Saturday, August 17, 2013

Back to the Future.

It's been a few months since I posted anything and rather than make excuses I'm just going to say this; all I'm missing is a midget being shot out of a cannon in my living room for my life to be considered The Greatest Show On Earth. Hopefully starting up again means I'll do it on a more regular basis but I'm not going to make myself any promises I can't keep. Rather, just like the injury report filed by every team in the NFL every week, for now I'm listed as Day to Day.

2 years ago Ang decided to go back to school and get her Masters Degree in Education and I figured what the heck? Couldn't make things any more chaotic than they already were. Which only goes to show yet again how big of an idiot I really am. Lots of long nights and empty weekends with her at school studying and me doing my best Mr. Mom impersonation while trying not to stroke out due to something one of the kids did. But we made it through, she did all the heavy lifting as usual, and we've got ourselves a Masters Degree holder who still has to cut the crust off the sandwiches. So not too much has changed, other than the level of respect I have for her mental toughness has gone up about 200% over the past 2 years.

To celebrate her parents decided to take us out to the local Ruth Chris steakhouse to celebrate so we jumped in the man van and off we went. Mind you, I'm a cheese dog with chili kind of guy and anyplace I can't wear my Sox cap to makes me immediately leery but after being told this was a "business casual" place only I put on my khakis and button down shirt and jumped into the breech.

2 minutes after sitting down a guy comes in wearing cargo shorts and a hat, which makes me think one of two things; I've been had or Ang just wanted to make sure I still had hair on my head since the only time I take that hat off seemingly is to sleep or....... let's just say the Bandit said it best and leave it at that.

5 minutes in the boys had to pee and we now come to the reason I am posting tonight. We were gone from the table NO MORE than a minute and a half and the following events took place, in real time, just like Jack Bauer experiences, except Jack may have saved the world countless times over but never had to take Trot and Rakes to a public bathroom.

In order, Trot tried to take the lid off the urinal to flush it because it didn't have a handle, Rakes kept saying "There are a bunch of questionable people in this place, Dad. They keep asking you how are you, do you need anything, is this your first time here, do you want a glass of wine? Dad, I'm 9; I can't drink wine" etc...., all the while talking at the top of his lungs in a tiled bathroom while I tried to keep Trot from shattering the urinal lid while I'm trying myself to pee and not get anything on my pants.

Trot then couldn't get the water in the sink to come on (it had a sensor at the bottom) so he's yelling "I need some help over here" while Rakes is yelling at him that "You just need to hold your hands RIGHT THERE". Mind you, he's standing exactly 1 foot away from him, all ending with Trot going bonkers over the paper towels being so soft and wondering why ours at home don't feel that way.

I knew then how Alice felt when she stumbled down that hole into Wonderland.

So you can see I may have been gone from here awhile but not much has changed.