Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Wax On. Wax Off.

In retrospect, allowing them to take martial arts may have been a mistake. Although I won't know for a few years, letting these two learn several different ways to kill a man may not be the wisest choice I've ever made as a parent.

I should probably sleep with one eye open and just hope for the best.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

And Then There Was One

*Picture courtesy of Kelly and*

I knew this was coming. Known it for weeks now, ever since Middlebrooks got called up and started looking like the second coming of Mike Schmidt.

But much like I also know that EVERY morning Trot is going to get up before anyone else, let the dog out of Ciera's room and proceed to cause havoc and mayhem in his wake I had just sort of buried my head in the sand and pretended like it wasn't going to happen.

Yet today it did and even though I knew it was inevitable Youk is a Red Sock no more. Gone to the south side of Chicago to the White Sox and with his departure David Ortiz is the last man standing from the greatest Red Sox team I've ever seen.

I'll miss the dirty uniform, the funky batting stance, the balls to the wall way he plays the game and I'll even miss him slamming his helmet down when he strikes out looking.

But most of all?

I'll miss hearing Fenway Park yell as one "YOOOOOOOOOOUK" every time he did something spectacular.

So long, Youk.

I hope you get a 5 minute standing ovation the next time the White Sox come to Fenway.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Sometimes The Hero Isn't Who You Expect

Normally with Rakes and Trot I'm writing about farting or peeing or acts of general mayhem that hopefully don't end with a visit to the hospital. Today? Not so much.

My brother and his family came up for Father's Day last night and spent the night with my folks and today he brought my two nieces over to go swimming for the afternoon.

The kids were swimming while he and I discussed the state of world affairs or some other crap and the next thing I know Matt (my brother) is throwing his glasses on the ground and flying out of his chair and I'm wondering who Trot threw in THIS time and look over and see Rakes, calmly treading water with one arm while he holds my 3 year old niece under her arm with the other hand while desperately trying to keep her head above the water.

She had been sitting by the ladder and he just so happened to be getting ready to climb out of the water when she leaned a bit too far over and tumbled in.

Here's a kid who spends most of his time playing video games and asking me questions like "Is the Ark of the Covenant REALLY made out of gold and why did the German's want it?" and in what is the biggest moment of his life so far he responds like a seasoned pro.


They surprise you in a really, REALLY good way.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

We're Everywhere

I had to drop a check off at the bank on the way to work today and as I'm getting out of my car a lady who had to be at LEAST 85 was walking to her car parked right next to mine. I should mention here my car has, in addition to a big dent on the right rear quarter panel, a sticker of Manny Ramirez, a Red Sox clover, a BecKKKKKett sticker, and one more.

About the time I get to the end of my car this sweet little lady who was hunched over like Quasimodo while wearing a Gilligan cap and Bermuda shorts asks me "What in the hell is a Youk?"

So, in the middle of the State Employees Credit Union parking light right at high noon I explain he's a baseball player named Youkilis and proceeded to do my very best Fenway Park version of "YOOOOOOOOUK!" for her.

After I'm done she looks up at me like I've got three heads and mutters "Whatever".

Red Sox Nation.

We're Nationwide.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Read My Lips

My sister called me yesterday and jokingly asked me if I was OK. Turns out she got a phone call from the lady who taught Trot in Sunday School at church the other day and during the time for prayer requests Trot offered up the following.

"We need to pray for my Dad. He was walking to work the other day and fell down. They think he had a heart attack".

Apparently he said this with a straight face, never minding the fact I won't walk to the mailbox, much less work which is about 3 miles away. As for the heart attack part, I MAY have mentioned once or twice or 149 times that if he and his brother kept up with whatever mischief they were making at the time they were going to GIVE me a heart attack, so I can't really blame him for that one.

This is just one more example of why I think this kid will be a politician someday.

He can lie to you with a straight face and not blink an eye.

Although I do appreciate him worrying about me.

Even if he was just making it all up.

Coming from that devious little mind?

I'll take it as a compliment.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Time Keeps On Slipping

It's funny. Walking her into school for her first day of Kindergarten seems like it happened yesterday. I remember teaching her how to ride a bike, pushing her on the swings so high I worried she would fall out only to have scream "Higher, Daddy!" and taking her ice skating for the first time and her not letting go of my hand the whole time.

Seems like we were just in the ER at the hospital that time she got a roto virus and her needing an IV of fluids while the ER doc took care of some drunk 2 booths down almost had me going to jail for assault if that doctor didn't hurry up and get in the room to take care of her.

Today my baby girl graduated from the 8th grade to a High Schooler and I've been in sort of a stunned state all day long. I honestly have no freaking idea where the years have gone; I can remember almost everything about her childhood but it seems like it just started yesterday. Never in my life have I wanted to somehow stop time and just keep her just the way she is right now, even though I know it's only gonna go faster and faster as the days go by.

Today I realized that on the day she graduates High School I'm more than likely going to be a blithering idiot.

I just hope senility has set in by the time she gets married, 'cause otherwise I'm not really sure how I'm going to get through it.

Monday, June 4, 2012

I Wonder if Yaz's Dad Had The Same Problem

As a Dad of two boys there are a lot of things you've got to teach them. How to throw a ball, catch it, and hit it. You always say "Yes Ma'am" and open doors for women and look people in the eye when they talk to you. The list goes on and on.

Yet on one crucial issue I'm apparently a miserable failure.

Lifting the freaking toilet seat when you pee.

Trot lifts it half the time but Rakes just can't keep to grasp the concept of lifting something up and then putting it back down when you're done.

In fact, I don't have a clue what he's doing in there; most of the time there is more left on the seat than there is in the toilet and it makes me wonder if he's doing jumping jacks at the same time he's emptying his bladder.

I can honestly say I've spent more time talking to them about this than breathing, yet they can't seem to get such a simple task committed to memory.

If it weren't for two women living in the house I'd have taken all the seats off the three toilets a long time ago and just put in a trough.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Carlin would be proud

Saturday night (when the Sox aren't playing) is movie night around the house and last night we watched "We Bought A Zoo", which was actually pretty good.

Before we started I asked Ang, who'd seen it already, if there were any parts where I needed to have the mute button ready just in case Trot or Rakes learned a few new words to share in Sunday School in the morning and  she let me know there were only a few.

For the next 15 minutes Trot asked what they were, when they were coming in the movie and could he say them if he heard them. He finally ran out of air, leaned back on the dog like it was a throw pillow, and watched the rest of the movie.

Right before the closing credits were about to come on he sits up, looks around and asks...........

"WHEN are the cuss words coming?"

Ladies and Gentlemen, my son.

Apparently the next Redd Foxx.

Saturday, June 2, 2012


*Image courtesy of Kelly and*

If you'd have told me in Spring Training that Felix Doubront was gonna be the best pitcher on the Red Sox staff  the first of June I would have told you the odds were better Trot would get "Student of the Year" before that happened.

The real King Felix resides at 4 Yawkey Way.

Boston, MA.

Out of last place and 2 games back.

Let the good times roll.