And Here I Thought Vacations Were Relaxing.

My version of Clark, Ellen, Russ, Audrey, and Cousin Eddie hit the road last Saturday for a vacation at the Las Vegas of the Deep South, Myrtle Beach. After a 5 hour drive in which we stopped 6 times to go to the bathroom (my brother and I once went 18 hours to Oklahoma City stopping only for gas/bathroom breaks. I think we stopped 3 times.) and 4,599 instances of Trot asking "How much LONGER?" we arrived at the Yachtsman resort around 5 p.m.

After a few fitful hours of sleep on a Murphy bed (Yes, they still exist and yes they are still as uncomfortable as ever) we were up early to hit the beach and do some body surfing. Which we did for a few hours, then hit the pool. Not 20 minutes after that some yahoo came running in yelling about a shark in the water. Naturally, Rakes and Trot HAD to see so we headed to the pier to check it out. Sure enough, there was about a 5 foot shark swimming RIGHT WHERE WE HAD JUST BEEN.

Ciera was freaking, Rakes wanted to know if it could bite his arm off and Trot wanted to go pet it.

Not only did we have predator fish to deal with, we had Trot combined with his "No Fear" motto ALMOST do me in. In every room at the resort there is an Ocean front balcony with a rail about 3 feet high. For some reason we asked for an upper floor room, which if you're keeping score at home tops out at 11 floors.

Guess which floor we got?

We're all sitting there watching tv and Trot meanders over to the deck, opens the door, and proceeds to jump up on the rail, lean WAY over and is basically dangling 11 floors up from a very bad landing.

That's the Yachtsman, just to the right of that tall glass building. Our room was top floor, just about dead center. I'm pretty sure I lost 3 years off the end of my life and Ang turned a shade of white not seen since Powder.

The rest of the week was relatively calm. We hit the beach and saw no more sharks (Much to the chagrin of Heckle and Jeckle), ate out and some nice places, and spent the evenings watching movies, where I'm proud to say my kids watched "The Goonies" and "Kindergarten Cop" for the very first time, although I'm a TAD worried Rakes or Trot will introduce a brand new, fun to pronounce word at some point in the year. Why didn't I remember all the cursing?

We all got burned, ended up with sand in places God never intended it to be, and in general had a nice, relaxing vacation.

Or as relaxing as this crew can be.

I'm ready for another one.

In about 5 years.