Item #4,693 I'll be changing once they put me in charge.

My church has decided the first Sunday of each month all kids K-5th grade don't have their individual classes but instead spend the morning in regular church.

Which is all well and good for the parents of the 2nd through 5th grade kids, who once the singing is over go downstairs in one big group. Us lucky ones with a child in kindergarten or first grade? Strap on your kevlar; they stay with you.

Now I have to say that Rakes was quiet; at least in the verbal sense. But leaving him in a room of adults listening to a preacher talk for roughly 45 minutes, with no bathroom breaks, television set, or younger brother to randomly body check to the ground is the equivalent of putting a Tasmanian Devil in a shoe box and expecting it to just lie down and go to sleep.

The twitches, jerks, kicks, paper rattles, banging his knees into the pew in front of him and general ADD would have made a Tourettes sufferer cringe. So keeping kids out of the main sanctuary on Sunday mornings now joins No Yankee Games on National television, Joe Morgan demoted to calling bowling tournaments, every Friday morning being "No Driving On Public Roads Unless You Are Under The Age Of 45", and Discovery starting a "All Deadliest Catch, All The Time" channel, along with roughly 8,000 other ideas I've got in mind should I ever get elected President or if I'm the lone survivor of Global Warming, whichever has the better chance of ever coming true.

I'm pretty sure that when Trot gets to Kindergarten he'll single handily get them to change this policy; it's just a matter of if my nerves can hold out two more years.