I feel like that Woody doll lying on the bar; I'd like nothing more than to just curl up in the fetal position and pretend I was somewhere else.
Most days, God smiles down on Ang and I and only allows one of the the Unholy Trinity to cause us to melt down. Every now and then though, it's a rare triple feature and all three cause me to imagine I'm moving to Greenland. Alone.
Trot has a little cold, so the day started with him coming out of his room at 4:50 a.m. and jabbering on about something at the top of the stairs. Ang, half asleep herself, puts him in between us where he spends the next hour and 40 minutes doing the following; snoring, coughing, and kicking me in the marbles. All within seconds of the other, sometimes all three at once.
As I get out of the shower, there is Rakes, sitting on the bathroom floor; as he wipes sleep out of his eyes at the unGodly hour of 6:55, he looks up and utters "I wanna play Tar Wars, Dad." So it was that I left to take Ciera to school with Rakes merrily annihalating Storm Troopers, Trot mauling a Pop Tart, and Ang on the verge of a panic attack. At 7:45 in the morning.
When we get to school, I come around the car and see Ciera's water mug laying on it's side, with half of my sales pictures soaking wet; she swears she had her hand on it the whole time, and no amount of reasoning from me that IF she had her hand on it there is NO way it would have dumped water all over my backseat changes her story in any way.
About noon, I get a call from Angie; see, today was Rakes' first ever visit to the dentist. Last night, he seemed excited. So Angies nerves were calm and all was well. Until they went inside.
Apparently he screamed for 30 minutes. In between screaming, he cried; loudly. I failed to mention we don't have dental insurance, so this cleaning was done at the local Denistry college, where they only charge $5 for a cleaning with about 20 other patients in the same room. I'm guessing all those other people getting work done asked the staff before leaving to NOT schedule their next appointment when the midget with the built in megaphone was due back. I've also got a sinking feeling that price just went up after today; I just hope the poor dental student who cleaned the muppet with teeth today doesn't decide on a career in botany after meeting Rakes.
Not to be outdone, this afternoon Ang found Trot sitting in the living room floor, a box of baby wipes at his feet, cheerfully sticking his hand down his pants and wiping his bottom. Did I mention he'd gone, well, number 2? After using a wipe, he thoughtfully put it back in the box and grabbed a new one. Thankfully I wasn't home for the cleaning of the floor, the pantry door, Trot, and the ottoman. 'Cause if I had been, I'd currently be screaming hysterically and running down the highway in the general direction of Boston, MA.
Right now, my trip to Boston is the only thing keeping me from wandering the streets telling anyone who'll listen that I like turtles and my greatest hope is to live in a van down by the river.
Is it April yet?
I’m the Chief
1 week ago