Did you ever have one of those Howard Beale days? A character from the movie "Network", he's the one reponsible for ushering the title of my post into the American venacular. Today, I was Howard Beale.
Fighting some stupid head cold for the last week or so, I'm not in the best of spirits to begin with. Throw in spending yesterday on a cold, damp loading dock moving market samples, combined with Trot deciding to wake up every day for the past 10 days before dawn, I'm not exactly in the best of moods.
Now, throw in a 2 1/2 hour appointment where I sold my tail off and left with a hearty "Maybe we'll come see you at market" and a trip to Hobby Lobby where I had to buy "light pink tool" for the wife (who knew netting was also called a tool?), my mood upon arriving home made sour sound pretty good.
45 minutes later, after finding the house looking like a toy factory exploded in it, Trot getting in the knife drawer, and Ciera and Rakes fighting over who got to be the giraffe while they played "Madogascar" on the PS2, I lost it.
Mind you, I'm not proud. I like to consider myself a pretty good Dad. I'm fully aware that they won't be little for long and I need to enjoy this time while I can; and most of the time, I do.
Every now and then though, I lose it. And tonight was one of those nights. It wasn't one specific thing, just a Supernova of a whole bunch of different stuff happening at once.
I can't be positive, but I'm pretty sure I uttered Military School, you're killing me, and "look at me while I'm talking to you" in the same sentence. I KNOW at least once I clicked my heels together three times and shouted "I want to go home".
Raising my children is the greatest job I've ever had. It's also the hardest, and I have no idea how Angie does this all day, every day, without mainlining Meth. She is without a doubt my biggest hero. And when they got home from church tonight, I made sure I hugged each one of them and told them I loved them more than they'd ever know.
All night, I kept thinking about my trip to Boston and how great it'll be to get a break.
I also wondered if they'll miss me as much as I'll miss them.
Being a Dad is harder than it looks.
All or Nothing at All
1 week ago