Saturday, January 24, 2009

Anybody Got A Paper Bag I Can Breathe In?

After dealing with Rakes decorating the walls and carpet with lipstick, urinating on the garage floor, and dropping trou to chase his sister around the house while giggling like a maniac I held out hope that Trot was going to be our "easy child".

Hope promptly gave me a round house kick to the marbles, kissed my wife, and took my wallet as he left.

God help me, I think he may be worse than Rakes ever was. And it's not even going to be close.

In addition to whizzing in a vase in his room, using the door mat in front of the laundry room as his personal fertilizing field and wanting to run in place in the toilet, the last few days have brought home the realization that we may be raising TWO future stars of video's on YouTube entitled "Hey! Watch This!"

After taking Ciera to school yesterday, I ran back home to get my lunch and get on the computer for a few minutes. Ang is in bed with a migraine, Rakes is in the toy room destroying the Death Star on the PS2, and Trot is somewhere upstairs yelling "Rakes! Come FIND me!"

Instead of Rakes, it was me who in fact found him. In the linen closet. With ALL the sheets strewn about on the floor, there he was, lying on the bottom shelf with his legs crossed, hands on his chest with a look of absolute giddiness on his face. Have you ever tried to read a child the riot act while trying to stifle a fit of the giggles? Trust me, it isn't as easy as it sounds.

Later that day, Ang, who had turned her back to answer the phone, discovers the laundry room door open and the dryer door laying sideways. It was at this point she saw Trot with the toilet brush and the toilet bowl cleaner merrily cleaning away.

In the middle of the living room floor.

I have no idea if that spot will ever come out; Ang tried for 3 hours and accomplished absolutely nothing. My only hope is the homeowners insurance somehow covers accidents created by children determined to become the next Dennis the Menace.

My doc told me not long ago that in order to relieve my high blood pressure I needed to reduce the stress in my life.

He's a DOCTOR for Pete's sake; he realizes that once they come out you can't get them back in, right?


Tex said...

Im telling you...let the boys have Circus Camp in the backyard and charge'll pay all the cleaning and doctor bills

oh and my "word" is skind

cant make this stuff up

Ted D said...

Tex, I just don't think I've got the energy for another project with them; it's hard enough just trying to keep up.


Heh. ;)

Tex said...

you do know they havent made it to school yet? ::insert BIG smile::

Ted D said...

You aren't cute. No matter how much you think you are, I'm writing all this stuff down for later. :)

Tex said...

hee hee hee hee

Ted D said...

::angry emoticon::

Tex said...

ya know if I have to tell you every time I going to think you're not watching for it

Ted D said...

I just checked 20 minutes ago. You don't exactly have a history of frequent posts you know. ;)

Tree Newt said...


Bro, they are too MUCH!!!

BTW, Aunt Becky asked me if you have a blog...she asked if you write like me!!!

Once more....


Love ya, bro!

Ted D said...

Yes, it's funny.

And no, Aunt Becky I don't have a blog.

I'm kicking you in the marbles when I see you next time; you realize this, right?

Love you too little brother. Even though I'm going to give you a swirly when I see you again.

Tex said...

what's a swirly?

and hey Matt...what's Aunt Becky's phone number?

Ted D said...

You. Are. Evil.

Blogstiny said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who, at certain times, considers home life more stressful than work. Hey, if they didn't act this way, we wouldn't have anything to write about! Good stuff.

Tree Newt said...

And you wonder where they get it from?


Ted D said...

Blogstiny; it's not just you, man. But I wouldn't change a thing.

Of course I know where they get it from, Matt. Their Mother.

Tex said...

Angie is an angel, hence her name.

Ted...well there was Ted Bundy, Ted Kazenkski....


Ted D said...


~**Dawn**~ said...

When you tell a story like that, Ted, especially with that closing line, I can't help but to sit here and just laugh & laugh.

Ted D said...

Thank you, Dawn.

I think. ;)