Friday, January 30, 2009

Friday Night Ramblings

I'm beyond thrilled The Captain agreed to come back to Boston for at least one year and more than likely two. I'm sure Scott Boras dragged this whole thing out with phantom "other offers" and promises to Tek that he'd rule the world like Dr. Evil by the time all was said and done, but I'm glad we've got a 150 pound nerd running the team who stood his ground. That said, part of me imagines Boras trying to negotiate a cut of the gross Polish sausage sales sold at Fenway each night as part of Varitek's contract.

Is it wrong of me to wish he would fall into a crocodile tank at the nearest zoo in the near future?

Why do I, after having been double charged on my debit card at the Taco Bell window for the exorbitant of $10.31 cents, have to fax a copy of MY bank statement to TB corporate AND fill out a dispute form at my bank? When it was THEIR employee who can't operate a credit card machine (you swipe, key in the amount, and hit enter. I'm fairly sure Rakes could do this while at the same time playing Star Wars Lego's and eating a fudgecicle.) It's the equivalent of 2 #4 combos on the value meal board; besides, you are freaking TACO BELL! It's moments like this I'm glad I'm 5 foot nothing and weigh what the average 5th grader does.

Can someone, ANYONE, explain to me why it takes a car over 5 full seconds to decide to accelerate through an intersection? You drive a car, not a cart pulled by a donkey; press your right foot down and MOVE people.

If you don't have enough money for a down payment, aren't moving until after July 4th, or don't know how much room you have in your house for furniture, can I ask the following question?

Why in God's name are you taking up 2 hours of my time while I try to sell you furniture? I have a wife, 3 kids, a mortgage, and a MLB Package bill coming due in a few months. Seriously; I gotta eat. And if you think wasting my time while you window shop is getting me any closer to buying the Nutra Grain Bars Trot wants to eat for breakfast each morning you have lost your mind.

After watching "Wife Swap" tonight, two things sprang to mind. Number 1 is why in the name of all that is pure am I watching this drivel? And 2; there are several kids spread out across the Nation who are going to need serious professional help before they reach legal voting age.

Finally, if Ang and I ever got the chance to participate in this show, I am sure of two things. One, Ang would totally win over the family she would go to. And two?

It's a complete toss up whether me or the Axis of Evil would cause the other person to completely lose it on national tv.

I think I'll go and put our application in now. 'Cause either way?

It's a win/win.


Tex said...

seriously, I'm having you committed

Ted D said...


I could use the break.

Tex said...

I hear they serve ice cream cones in the afternoon. Perhaps I can talk them into serving yours in one of those little baseball cups.

Ya know...I could run my juvenile correctional company just fine if it weren't for dumb employees.

its Friday and I said I would not fall behind.

Sarah said...

Scott Boras is the worst thing to happen to baseball since the strike. Period.

Tree Newt said...

Ok, classic post, bro!

I'm glad Tek is back, and I agree with you on wishing doom and destruction on Boras. Man, what a putz. Of course, in his defense: you know what he's like, and you hire him because of one thing, he's going to bring in the jack. So the players are culpable too! But he's still a putz!

Two, I thought you only used cash! HA!

Three, I'm the guy behind you honking my horn at the guy in front of you. MOVE PEOPLE!!!

Four, if you're going on ANY TV show, it's the one I've already nominated you for: What Not To Wear!!!!!

Ted D said...

Tex, can I really get mine in a baseball cup? And keep your head up; you're doing a great job.

Sarah, he's slimy buy if I were a player? He'd be MY agent for sure; the guy gets results more times than not.

Mattie, I've told you; blue jeans DON'T go out of style. I realize I'm not as hip as you but it really doesn't bother me. ;)

Rich in the garage said...


If you decide to get on that show I'm coming to live with you while its being taped.

I assure you me and the boys would have that lady running out the house screaming in a solid 45 minutes.

It would be reality TV gold to see how the woman reacts to a 4AM wake up call with Rakes playing a make shift pots and pans drum set in the bed room.

Stacy said...

Well, that was quite a rant. :) Bad day in retail?

Glad Tek is back. Maybe you can sleep better now.

Ted D said...

Rich, you got it man. I'll just tell them we adopted you late in life. And yes, it'd probably make them cancel it.

Stacy, it was actually a good day; just stupid people make my head hurt.

Tex said...

and Matt, if you're going to nominate ANYONE for What Not to Wear...send in MY Name!!! Please?????!!!!!! I'd love a $5000 credit card with my name on it to go shopping for me clothes.

I can use it at Yawkey Way store right?

I'm doing good how Ted??

Anonymous said...

Speaking of wife need to talk to dad about the episode we watched LAST week. The one with the guy who believes in the Rastafari movement and that Jah will provide no matter what. Dad seems to think it is quite hilarious to say "Rastafari Woman" to mom at the top of his lungs like that guy did...needless to say that doesn't go over so well. :)

Ted D said...

Tex, quit stoking the fire. ;) Mattie thinks he's Mr. GQ while I wear what I like.

Court, we saw that one too. Ciera is becoming obsessed with it; I think she secretly hopes we'll get on it someday.