Did you ever have one of those Howard Beale days? A character from the movie "Network", he's the one reponsible for ushering the title of my post into the American venacular. Today, I was Howard Beale.Fighting some stupid head cold for the last week or so, I'm not in the best of spirits to begin with. Throw in spending yesterday on a cold, damp loading dock moving market samples, combined with Trot deciding to wake up every day for the past 10 days before dawn, I'm not exactly in the best of moods.
Now, throw in a 2 1/2 hour appointment where I sold my tail off and left with a hearty "Maybe we'll come see you at market" and a trip to Hobby Lobby where I had to buy "light pink tool" for the wife (who knew netting was also called a tool?), my mood upon arriving home made sour sound pretty good.
45 minutes later, after finding the house looking like a toy factory exploded in it, Trot getting in the knife drawer, and Ciera and Rakes fighting over who got to be the giraffe while they played "Madogascar" on the PS2, I lost it.
Mind you, I'm not proud. I like to consider myself a pretty good Dad. I'm fully aware that they won't be little for long and I need to enjoy this time while I can; and most of the time, I do.
Every now and then though, I lose it. And tonight was one of those nights. It wasn't one specific thing, just a Supernova of a whole bunch of different stuff happening at once.
I can't be positive, but I'm pretty sure I uttered Military School, you're killing me, and "look at me while I'm talking to you" in the same sentence. I KNOW at least once I clicked my heels together three times and shouted "I want to go home".
Raising my children is the greatest job I've ever had. It's also the hardest, and I have no idea how Angie does this all day, every day, without mainlining Meth. She is without a doubt my biggest hero. And when they got home from church tonight, I made sure I hugged each one of them and told them I loved them more than they'd ever know.
All night, I kept thinking about my trip to Boston and how great it'll be to get a break.
I also wondered if they'll miss me as much as I'll miss them.
Being a Dad is harder than it looks.
37 comments:
they're just kids.
Serenity NOW!
Tex, I know this.
But combine a stressful work situation, Corn Dog breaking his collarbone, and the economy being in the pits.
Then add quotas, gas prices, and screaming hooligans, and THEN com talk to me.
My income is totally dependent upon sales: Take all that I've said, combine it with the housing crisis and the credit crunch, and you've got the Perfect Storm.
It's a minor miracle I haven't freaked out and turned to a life of crime.
I'd give anything for a job with a salary, benifits, and a pension right about now.
And a trip to Fenway in May, of course. ;)
Id trade my life today for your life in a heart beat.
Tex, please don't take what I'm saying wrong. I LOVE my life. I'm just trying to get across that NOBODY'S life is perfect.
You don't have to tell me my life is great. It just has it's up's and down's like anybody else does.
Ted,
Been there and done that..and still will repeat it all..
Thats parenting.... even when they get older. Mine are 16, 13 and 11 and I have to read them the riot act at least 2 times a year...
Yes its tough and I feel for ya man...they are more than just kids..there your kids..your around them a lot and its not like you can get rid of them when you dont feel well.
Hang in there pal. You will feel better soon and will be able to ride out the bumps of life a bit better.
Thanks, JMP. Although I know that isn't your REAL name. ;)
I'm doing my best, man.
This too will pass, right?
sorry ted. email.
Bro, I have a feeling your income is about to take a slight upturn. I hope that helps.
And I hope you know how freaking guilty/worthless I felt for 2 weeks while I was down and out. In all seriousness.
As ironic as this is going to sound, sometimes times like that are necessary. No doubt, you'll see some improvement in behavior around there. It's definitely stress and yet it's understandable. My heart goes out to salespeople as annoying as they can be at times, they do have to put bread and butter on the table.
Sometimes I wonder if I push God to those limits too and find His discipline is necessary for me. It's not so pleasant at the time and yet it is sooooo necessary.
Don't get into guilt over this, it's not worth it.
Newt, are you doing "The Money Pit" two weeks? Didn't you break your collarbone 6 weeks ago? ;)
And I hope what you said isn't true. I don't really want to imagine the alternative.
::tries to distract Ted from his troubles::
Hey look, baseball on today! The traditional Boston College game!
Sack up, Ted. It's a new day.
If it's any consolation, I dripped part of my breakfast on my Red Sox jersey today. Dammit!
Stephen,
It's a new day. The sun is shining, I sound like Froggy from the Little Rascals, and Rakes just left for school yelling about wanting to play Star Wars on the 'puter.
And there will be real baseball played today.
It could be worse.
You are right it could be worse. You could have three kids under the age of 11, be in sales in a soft market, live for a sport under the biggest dark cloud in history and oh gosh my bad.
Oh well at least you have a bother who has your back 24/7
Scott,
Are you TRYING to make me feel worse? 'Cause if you are, it's working.
But you're right; at least I've got a brother who has my back. ;)
All right, off to work.
Maybe this will help, Ted. My dad raised us alone (well my grandparents were involved a lot but you know what I mean) and I know there were days that he would come home & just completely melt down. But I have to tell you, those times didn't happen often. And the times I remember were the good ones. =)
Baaaaaasball. ::happy dance::
You doing alright today?
Hang in there, Ted. EVERY parent has had days like yours and said things we wished we hadn't. (At least I have. :))
Dawn, thanks for the words. And I know they'll remember the good stuff and forget the other, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
BASEBALL!!!!!!!!!!! I read earlier today the Sox were winning 22-0? Woot!
Edge, better. Getting ready to take Rakes to his first spring soccer practice tonight!
Stacy, you? Naaaaaaah. ;)
Think of it this way, Ted. Because we are human, we all have those days. They will have them too. When you have one of those days, and then you hug them later & say you're sorry & that you love them, you are showing them the way we should act when we have those days & say some things we don't mean. Losing your cool from time to time is, unfortunately, human nature. You can't excape it & neither can they or any of us. But you *can* show them how to make it right again.
Bro, look at it this way: you get to model forgiveness to your kids. When we screw up (and we all do), we get an opportunity to say we screwed up and ask for their forgiveness. We get to model the Father above. Pretty cool, methinks.
Dawn, thanks. And I do apologize when I screw up. Doesn't make me feel any better, though.
Besides me pitching a hissy fit isn't exactly news. And Mattie, all I know is it sucks to see a look of hurt on your kid's face over words that came out of YOUR mouth, you know?
Luckily, they have really short memories right now. ;)
Just think 24 - 0 Ted, 24 - 0. Against a college team.
At least, I hope they didn't, roll their eyes at you. At least they're not my age (18) and make sure it would backfire. And you def. could have said worse.
I hope Rakes has fun as his first soccer practice!
I would just like to announce that I have Joe Castiglione streaming live from my computer. It's like breathing oxygen after holding your breath until you can't for another second.
Dawn - mine is through the radio, really crappy signal as the place is an hour away from me. it's SO beautiful, however, it needs to be on TV.
Krystle, thankfully, no eye rolling. Yet. Rakes played soccer last fall, this is just his first practice this spring. 24-0 is pretty sweet. Gotta find the box score later.
Dawn, where are you getting the feed at on the Internet?
I heard Josh was smokin'. Ahhh... baseball.
I can't afford the Extra Innings package on cable to I get MLBtv, which includes streaming audio for any untelevised games.
Available Content
Feb. 29 - Mar 2: 2008 Houston College Classic
March: WATCH over 150 Spring Training games LIVE
Including 14 MLB.TV exclusive games (no blackout restrictions)
April - September: WATCH and LISTEN to every regular season out-of-market game LIVE
Postseason: LISTEN to all games LIVE
It's $90 for the entire season (works great because I can log in at work for day games!) or $15 a month (works great if you only want it for Spring Training).
::hygs::
Dawn, I remembered I signed up at WEEI, but I can't remember my password. They said they'd email it to me, but haven't seen it yet. And I can't afford Extra Innings either, but just figured we could do without a phone for a few months. ;)
Thanks, Becks. Needed that.
Ted - Eye rolling will happen by say 10 - 12? The pre-teen years.
Oh and you can't get the games streaming through EEI online. I've tried.
Krystle, I got to listen to some last season; thought it was on EEI, but maybe I was wrong.
(And I bet you eye rolled when you typed that, didn't you?)
I'm rolling my eyes at the darn radio! ;]!
The only time I seem to roll my eyes now is at the Sox and college stuff. Yes, college stuff.
Ted, have I mentioned to you that I work at an all-boys' boarding school?? Unfortunately, we don't take them til 9th grade, so you're stuck for a while longer! Keep the faith!!
Hey Ted,
Hope your day today was better than yesterday.
Hang in there bub!! Better days are coming. (and even the bad days have some good moments)
Beth, I knew you worked at a school, but had no idea it was an All Boys school.
The penis story should have tipped me off, though. ;)
I'm keeping the faith, but some days are better than others.
Thanks.
JMP (although I KNOW that isn't your real name ;))
I'm hanging in there, man. Today was a MUCH better day, and you are 100% correct; even on the crappy days, you can find a positive.
You and Scott give me hope; you've gone through what I have and you survived. I know I will too.
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