Tuesday, August 24, 2010

And I wouldn't change a thing if you paid me.

When The Three Amigos set off on our epic road trip, the roles for each of us was clearly defined. Rich was the comic relief and well, it WAS his car we were driving. I was the elder statesman and go to guy should we ever run afoul of local law enforcement or anyone JB or Rich torked off enough to come after us with a crow bar in hopes I could diffuse the situation.

JB? The Guide. The man who knew where we were supposed to go, how we were supposed to get there, and he had it down to the minute on when we would arrive at our next destination.

Some sort of warning bell should have gone off when my two erstwhile traveling companions spent roughly 4 hours stuck in traffic in D.C. on their way to my house, but that could be shrugged off as bad luck due to the geniuses in D.C. deciding to move a crane across 8 lanes of traffic RIGHT when they arrived in our Nation's Capital.

What REALLY should have gotten our attention was when we were trying to find his own Dad's house, a place he'd been to many times before, and he was trying to get me to turn on a road that, in fact, did not even exist. Which raised numerous questions in myself and Rich's mind about the navigational skills of Josh, who we had by then started to call Magellan, much to his cranky dismay. In fact, any attempt by us to wonder about his directional ability was usually met with "The directions aren't the problem! It's the DRIVING that is the problem!". Mind you, this was usually hollered at Volume: ELEVEN from his position in the GTI.

These "directions" were the equivalent of the Nuclear Football the President carries around with him, much talked about but never seen. I could almost swear he had them in a three ring binder with a sticker of Rasheed Wallace in a Piston's uniform on the cover but it's been 2 months and I've got Rakes and Trot to deal with on a daily basis so I could be wrong.

But once I show you the photographic evidence Rich somehow unearthed recently you'll realize why I felt like Benjamin Gates to his Riley from "National Treasure".

No, that isn't parchment paper, although it wouldn't have surprised me if it was. And that dark stain probably isn't some valiant patriot's blood shed to protect an item of national security but more likely the result of a spilled dip cup but that IS his hand writing and those WERE the directions we were blindly following into the breach.

It's a freaking miracle we even found the state of Florida.

And I had more fun on this trip since I can remember.

To quote the Should have won an Oscar movie Young Guns?



Sam Jackson's Lovechild said...

only people that got lost on the trip? you and rich

1. google maps got the directions to my dad's house wrong. i figured iot out, told you to turn, and you didnt listen. if you had just listened to me, no problems. not my fault google maps got it wrong. even my pops said they got it wrong

2. we would have gotten through DC fine if not for singing pizza. construction starts at 930pm. we hit it at 945...because jr was busy destroying a bathroom on 495 in maryland. because of singing pizza

3. the written directions were for me, because we needed new directions on the fly when we went to the wong house. this was when the US was playing ghana, and i was supposed to be the designated driver. then ghana score in the first two minutes, and i became the designated drinker. i went with alexis, and we found the grave's house with no issues. you guys...we're screwed by bad penmenship.

though, you had GPS ON YOUR PHONE. how do you get lost when you HAD GPS ON YOUR PHONE?!

and for the record, i can read that, no problem

(and actually, those were the written directions from orlando to tampa, and i was driving, and we got there with no problems. really, Fox News? doctor some more lies, sir)

Ted D said...

Of course you can read it.


fla beck said...

In Josh's defense,he and Alexis did find their way from the Wing House to the Casa unlike the second wave(namely you and Rich). The Red Sox flag is always a shining beacon. What more can I do,People? :)

Tex said...

I have better handwriting skills than that!

when men start making excuses and blaming others....I'm just sayin

Ted D said...

Becky, WE stopped at the store to get food then somehow ended up at Sea World. Your city planners need to go back to school.

Tex, I'm not BLAMING him per se; just showing the world what Jr and I had to deal with. ;)

Rich in the Garage said...

A gps is all well and good...when someone rights the freaking ADDRESS YOURE GOING TO ON THE DIRECTIONS.

I needed the darn Rosetta stone, Indian Jone's father, and three linguists to figure this crap out.

Mind you I was about four pitchers deep and just exiting a super market at the time.

Wish we could have hung out a little longer at sea world.

Rich in the Garage said...

And yes, my sense of direction is about as keen as Bugs Bunny's.

Ted D said...

I think the problem, other than the hieroglyphics we we trying to decipher, was the gps would tell us to turn left but not which way we were. Or something.

Sam Jackson's Lovechild said...

in my defense, when i write the directions, they were for me, not for yall. that paticular set gave us no issues, as i was driving

i think this is more a yall thing then a me thing

Ted D said...

It is. It's a us busting your chops for putting a picture of us up and intimating we were gay. NTTIAWWT.

Tex said...

"intimating" we were gay.

freudian slip, eh?

word verification: sokersur :)

Ted D said...

No. But again; NTTIAWWT.