Thursday, August 12, 2010

Thankfully, he's on OUR side.

*Image courtesy of my friend Kelly*

I was going to post something about Pap blowing a 3 run lead in the 9th inning today but decided against it for two reasons. 1? It's over, it happened, and the Sox still took 2 outa 3 from a division rival so I'm not gonna complain. 2? Every time I think about it it feels like Trot just did one of his patented "I'm gonna hit Dad in the jimmy and not tell him it's coming" moves so I decided to go in a little different direction.

He's broken the ribs of not one, but TWO teammates in a matter of weeks, sports a cannon for a right arm, has this really weird aversion to having his head touched, and hit a home run while down on ONE knee.

To quote Jr? He's an ox, and that is meant in the most complimentary way possible.

Here, courtesy of, is an ode to Adrian Beltre.

  • Adrian Beltre has never hit into a fielder’s choice. The choice is up to him.

  • Adrian Beltre hasn’t made 15 errors. The official scorers have.

  • The reason Adrian Beltre throws flat-footed is to slow down the rotation of the earth.

  • NASA solved its early problems by having Adrian Beltre throw the capsules into space.

  • Carl Everett thinks that Adrian Beltre is made up, just like the dinosaurs and outer space.

  • The ball that hit Adrian Beltre in the groin last season was put in protective custody, just in case.

  • Adrian Beltre doesn’t like anybody touching his head because he’s afraid he’ll break their hands.

  • Even Chuck Norris is afraid to touch Adrian Beltre’s head.

  • Even Adrian Beltre’s helmet is afraid to touch his head.

  • Adrian Beltre developed a new diagnostic tool for the medical staff: The Collide-A-Scope.

  • Adrian Beltre once collided with himself. It was before Game 3 of the 1989 World Series.

  • Adrian Beltre is the reason McDonalds discontinued the McRibs.

  • Adrian Beltre once watched Delta Force on TV. Chuck Norris woke up the next day with three broken ribs.

  • Adrian Beltre thinks it’s called a “pillow contract” because you can use it to suffocate sleeping enemies.

  • Adrian Beltre is the reason baseballs need stitches.

  • It took Adrian Beltre only four swings to demolish the old Yankee Stadium.

  • Adrian Beltre pulled a ball to the opposite field.

  • Adrian Beltre only appeals to umpires on checked swings so they can feel important.

  • Scott Boras is actually an Adrian Beltre client.

  • Adrian Beltre won “Connect 4″ in three moves.

  • When Adrian Beltre does a postgame interview, he asks the questions.

  • Adrian Beltre doesn’t wear spikes. The ground knows the only way to survive is not to let go.


fla beck said...

Thanks,Ted. The Boy will LOVE this post!

Ted D said...

No problem, Becky.