Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday Night Prayer

Dear God,

It's me; Ted. You know I usually try not to bother you, except for wishing A Rod would step in a gopher hole every now and then. Or thanking you daily for the fact I'm not yet on a first name basis with anyone in the local ER (for me, this is right up there with parting the Red Sea and not smiting Moses for naming one of his sons Ham).

And I've gotta say thanks for keeping my high blood pressure one step ahead of anything Rakes or Trot has done so far. Although I have to admit trying to potty train Trot has had me wondering if the shock paddles and ambulance ride were imminent.

As for tonight? I've got one small favor to ask. Ciera is 10 now, and talking about boys and dances and asking her Mom the sort of questions I've decided I'm better off not knowing what they are talking about.

She's getting ready to go to middle school and I'm debating on which type of hand gun I need to buy and whether or not to adopt camo as my official wardrobe for the next 10 years. Which brings me to the one little small favor I'd like to ask....

Can you give me amnesia for the next 8 years? I'm not talking about any Rip Van Winkle stuff where I pass out, wake up in 20 years, and wonder why everyone is wearing Timberland boots and listening to 50 Cent; just sort of let me sleep walk through her travels in puberty where I'm here when she needs me but I magically forget all the rest?

Considering I've got Rakes and Trot waiting in the wings, ready to light bottle rockets out of each others rear end and construct a skate board ramp off the roof of the garage onto the neighbors house across the street I really don't think I'm asking for all that much.

Whatever you decide I'm down with; just keep this in mind.

If some kid named Eric shows up in few years with his underwear hanging outside his jeans wanting to take my little girl out to the movies?

I won't be responsible for my actions.

But I hope you'll forgive me.


Rich in the garage said...

For all the hell I got into between 13-18 I am totally going to have a girl as my first child.

There is a god and he has a sense of humor of those two things I am positive.

..why else would I decide to join the ranks of the people I gave the most trouble growing up?

Ted D said...

Payback is a bith, Rich.

I can tell you from experience.

I can also tell you that you'll never know such love either.

God really does have a funny bone.

Trot's Hat said...

I was talking to my dad on the phone and he told me to tell you that 8-10 years is a bit conservative...
... Considering he still meets me at my car when I come home after dark with a flashlight (to walk me the 20 feet to the back door), I think you can imagine what he means ;-)

Ted D said...

Bridget, I heard you AND your Dad. I can see me doing the same thing, especially after a date. ;)

Tree Newt said...

Dude, at least you only have to do it ONCE. I get to go through it once, then 2 years later, all over again. At least #2 will know to expect her dad to be insane when she gets foolish enough to broach the subject of dating.

And Ham was Noah's kid. for the record. But you were close.

Sort of.

Ted D said...

Are you sure? It's still a whacked out name, whoever his Dad was.

And I warned you. You were just too hard headed to listen.