Monday, December 10, 2007

'Tis the Season

Have you ever gotten home after dark and thought about hanging Christmas lights on the tree in front of your house? In fact, not only YOUR house but the nice widow woman who lives next door? If so, can I give you a bit of advice?


The fact I told Rakes and Ciera they could "help" me may be coloring my advice just a little: throw in Trot figuring out how to get out the front door, my aforementioned widow neighbor trying to hold the ladder, and everyone in the universe picking tonight to drive down our street on the way home, and you've got a recipe for an epic meltdown by Ted.

Do you realize it's EXTREMELY stressful to be on the top of a 12 foot step ladder with a strand of Christmas lights in one hand and a paint roller extension in the other while a not yet 2 year old is playing in the street while headlights are coming down the road?

If you didn't: Trust me.

It is.

Add to the equation a wife with a previously unknown knowledge of EXACTLY how the lights should be strung, a faulty drop cord that keeps tripping the breaker, and Rakes figuring 6:30 pm was the PERFECT time to ride his scooter in the road, and you'll get some idea of how the night went.

And I STILL don't have my lights up on the tree: I'm starting to feel like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day".

At least I still have this going for me:


Tex said...

Im telling ya. if those writers in Hollywood knew better, they'd be making your blog into a major motion picture. Your stories make Chevy Chases Christmas movies appear tame.

what is that they say? Truth is stranger than fiction?

Ted D said...

Tex, I'd say that's just about right: truth IS stranger than fiction.

I think this really hit me yesterday when Rakes came barging out of the bathroom.

Me: "Go flush the potty and put your clothes on."

Rakes: "Otay, Daddy Man!"

Angie says he'll be the only 14 year old who can't go to the bathroom without taking his clothes off.

I'm starting to think she may be right.

Tex said...

LOLOL Quit. my sides cant take it

Tree Newt said...

Will Smith is Legend...

Ted Dalton IS Clark W. Griswold.

Tree Newt said...

New post, by the way. That's two in the last 2 days. I'm on a roll.

Ted D said...


Without mentioning that everytime I told him to stop doing something, or to pick that up, or to say "Yes Ma'am" he responded with this?

"Yesth, your majesty!"

Horsham has NO IDEA what he's gotten himself into in a few weeks.

He doesn't have a pre-existing heart condition that you know of, does he?

Ted D said...

//Ted Dalton IS Clark W. Griswold.//


Another new post? My hip waders aren't dry from the last one yet.

Tex said...

i swear. tell Rakes to stay 4 till i get there. well at least to continue acting this way.

Yesth your majesty??!!! LOLOLOL

I love him. age 4 and already a smartA** ;)

Ted D said...

Tex, he takes after his Dad. He'll be 4 mentally for at LEAST the next 20 years.

You need to make the family reunion next year though: although you and Rakes together could be the 6th sign of the apocolypse.

Tex said...

im really gonna do this publishing thing. i dont care bout making money off it...i mean i aint gonna become rich from'll just feel good for people to buy it.

Ted D said...

Well, I can tell you this: I'll buy it.

::though I'm hoping for a free copy, seeing as how I've got kids and all::

Tex said...

theres a deal with the publishing company to publish your own. you can get copies of your own and then put it on amazon and yes. you'd get a signed free copy. I just want the copyright to the book Im writing about Rakes :)

Ted D said...

Sorry Tex: he's already trademarked.

Though if you twist my arm, I could work something out.

Tex said...

ohhh well just mention me in the Thanks to and Ill be happy.

newt went deep tonight.

Ted D said...

You got it, Tex.

And when does he NOT go deep?

With everyday that passes, I'm more convinced of one thing:

He's definately adopted.

~**Dawn**~ said...

You need a personal photographer following you around, just so we can share in the joy. ;-)

By the way, I *love* that photo of Fenway just above your profile in your sidebar. It makes me ridiculously happy. Almost as happy as that photo of Mike Lowell. Almost.

Ted D said...


I don't think I have the income for a personal photographer. Unless you are volunteering.

Glad you like the Fenway pic:

SOME PEOPLE who comment here are complaining. And the Lowell photo is one of my favorites: I may have to keep it for a while.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Complaining?? About what?! The photo of Fenway? Sacrilege! And certainly not about our wonderful third baseman...

I love that Lowell pic too. Feel free to leave it up as long as you like. ;-)

Ted D said...

Dawn, I'm getting some grief in certain circles about how much stuff I've been throwing up on the blog the past few days.

It seems some of my family may be jealous this moron has figured all this out.

Just for you, a Mike Lowell pic will remain a part of the blog for the forseeable future.

Tree Newt said...


Stacy said...

If I'd known there was so much entertainment so close, I'd have brought over my lawn chair and watched from a front row seat. :)

Just exactly how did you get talked into putting up lights on 2 houses?

And WHY does Rakes take off all his clothes to use the bathroom? I love the "Daddy Man" and "Yesth, your majesty." That boy is a pint size kid with a barrel of attitude. :)

Ted D said...

I went to bed, Newt. The part that sucks is I'm already up again.

Stacy, I have no clue how that happenend: I'm just a nice guy, I guess.

As for Rakes, I'll let hime tell you why he has to have all his clothes off to go to the bathroom: it's funnier coming from him.

Tex said...

ok im waiting for the audio version to come out on here on Rakes. lets see if Ted can do youtube

~**Dawn**~ said...

Well, we can't *all* be high achivers, Ted, so they will just have to be jealous. ;-) I am self-taught on decoarting my blog too.

Ted D said...

Tex, I'll see what I can do about the YouTube thing. Fair warning: turn your volume down. He's loud enough as it is.

Dawn, you've got a lot of stuff at your blog that I'd like to know how you did it. My thing is just finding the time to mess around with all of it.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Feel free to pick my brain, Ted! I would be happy to share what I know or point you in the right direction! Speaking of sharing... where did you get the 07 Champions photo??? I need that for my desktop!

Ted D said...


Ted D said...

And it didn't work. Of course.

Dawn, go to, then the Red Sox tab, then click on the 2007 World Series commemorative section, and it should be the first thing you see.

I'm now starting to see why Tex is amazed I've gotten this far with the blog.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Ah!! Thank you thank you! I have been waiting for one & I finally gave up looking. I still have the 04 one with Foulke & Castiglione calling the game-winning play.

LOL! It worked for me because I checked the little box to be notified of follw-up comments & my email converted it to a link. I wonder why it didn't convert for you here...? Of course I usually do the html to make my links a word instead of just the url so... ::shrugs::

Ted D said...

Dawn, glad I could help.

//Of course I usually do the html to make my links a word instead of just the url so...//

I have NO clue what that means. ;)

~**Dawn**~ said...

LOL!!! You know how if I make a link it just look like a word? Instead of the url (which is the first thinkg you copied & pasted)? For instance:

Is this the page you were sending me to?

Ted D said...

HEY! I know how to do that.

Sort of.

When I'm doing a new blog, there is this little icon you can click after you highlight the thing you want to copy.

Sadly, I had to have Beckperson (if I could do what you did I'd link her blog) email me and tell me how.

Yes: I really am this slow. Tex will verify this.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I actually find it faster to type out the code myself. I never use the icon. I am strange like that. LOL...

Ted D said...

//I actually find it faster to type out the code myself//

This is both impressive and scary at the same time.

~**Dawn**~ said...

It's really not that bad. The code itself is very short. Then you just copy & paste the info for the link after it and type what you want the link to actually look like. And then you close the code.

Blink, Ted. I know your eyes just glazed over. =P

Tex said...


Ted D said...

//Blink, Ted. I know your eyes just glazed over.//

Huh? you lost me after "code" and "copy/paste".

Ted D said...



JMP said...

What up dude???

Ted D said...


How in the world are you, man? I've been wondering where you've been: in fact, I left a sarcastic comment at your archive, er.. I mean blog earlier!

I'm still smiling about the World Series: you?

Tex said...

if i start putting little sidebars about gonna be xrated

Ted D said...

Don't do that Tex. X rated never draws any money: you gotta stay at R for that.

Tex said...

money?? MONEY??? i can make MONEY AT THIS??? do TELL

Ted D said...

It was an illustration, Tex.

Believe me, if I could figure out how to make money off this thing and quit my job?

I'd have done it months ago.

JMP said...

Doin' ok Ted, thanks for askin.

Ya, I no bloggie...(:>(
Started more than a few times and the wind just left my sail, ya know??

DO have a lot to say and HAD a lot to say..maybe after Christmas.

I do love the fact that we should be able to say ADIOS to that fat canadian who forgot how to pitch once he hit Boston.... what a gager!!!

Lowell being back is just too great. I was really worried when both he and Commander Slappy were available. I thought the Yankers would offer Mikey all kinds of insane money.
Glad Schilling is back...he's not all that bad and is sure to give some some good outings.
And Timlin being signed is a boon for the old folks home!! He's just a few years younger than me..... the old bastard!! Glad he is back too.
Hope Ellsbury stays put and I would hate to se Coco Gogo somewher else. His defensive center field plays helped Boston win the WS.

So how you like them apples??
And yes..I am LOVIN the 2007 WS each and every day.. have watch each game at least once in the past month

Tex said...

illustration?? im not following

Ted D said...


I still think the Gagne thing was the right move at the time. Who knew he would suck as bad as he did?

And I'm with you on all three: good to see Timlin, Lowell, and Schilling back again. It wouldn't feel the same without them.

I'll be looking forward to hearing what you have to say whenever you put it up.

Tex: you know me. I'm stupid. Illustration may have been a poor term. I was just trying to say you'll get more readers like you are now than going stalker on Beckett.

This always happens to me when I try to get too "cute" with comments.