Friday, May 30, 2008

An Open Letter to Josh Beckett

*Video NSFW*

Dear Commander,

Remember that guy in that video? The one who was pitching like a modern-day Bob Gibson with a bad case of hemorrhoids? You know, that guy who cursed out Kenny Lofton for having the audacity to head to first on what he though was ball 4 but wasn't.

Or the guy that screamed at A.J. Pierzynski "F*** you, you're out!" after he flew out to CF (you probably got about 1,000 thank you calls from the rest of MLB after that game), tried to take on Ryan Howard in SPRING FREAKING TRAINING for pimping a non-home run, and answered reporters questions with the disgust dripping from your voice?

Can we have him on the mound tonight? 'Cause it's been one mother of a road trip so far; 1-5 heading into a 4 game set with the Orioles, who all of a sudden don't suck anymore. Guys are pressing, Wake probably is contemplating a lawsuit against the team for lack of run support, and Tito is most likely chewing TUMS by the fist full.

We need you, big guy. You gotta be the stopper we know you are, striking people out, screaming obscenities in the air, and getting that blond reporter from MASN's phone number as you take the field.

I want the last image I see of Brian Roberts to be of him sobbing uncontrollably in the dugout, Kevin Millar to strike out 5 times, and if you feel like hitting Jay Payton in the gibleys? Hey, who am I to argue?

They need a lift, man. Something to break the funk of this road trip, get Mike Lowell smiling again, and get Manny to man hug Tek, causing a moment of epic awkwardness.

In other words, just go out and be Josh Freaking Beckett.



PS: If you get the chance, could you punch Gary Thorne in the face? Thanks, man.

UPDATE: Sox win 5-2, thanks to 3 errors by the Orioles. It wasn't vintage Beckett, but I'll take it.


Tex said...

10 K's, no W for him fbut at leaswt a Tesxnan waon it

HorshamScouse said...

Can't match drunk Tex. Great game and great to talk to you tonight, Ted.

Josh has pitched well enough to be leading the league. :(

Edge of Design said...

Are we talking MLB or UFC now?

Ted D said...

Great game by Beckett, Tex. I see you hit the local to catch it. ;)

Horsham, it was a great game; thanks to you, Kelly, Cyn, and Beth for pulling them through.

Edge: a little bit of both?

HorshamScouse said...

Now for #500.

Ted D said...

Hope it happens for you, Horsham. Be a great thing to say you saw it happen.

Krystle [RSO] said...

After the kind of day I've had, 500 would be super awesome! Not Josh typical last night, the f bomb after the 6th? That's typical!

Ted D said...

Sorry to hear about the bad day, Krystle. Beckett is without a doubt one of a kind.

Krystle [RSO] said...

I was so ready to tell my family that Manny hit his homerun but it was feet away.

Family drama just weeks before graduation and the weekend before you baccalaureate? That my friend is never good.

Ted D said...

Doesn't sound like it, but hopefully it'll get better before you graduate. Week after next, right?

Krystle [RSO] said...

yes. friday the 13th. the irony in that is way too strong but =]!

i'm hoping it dies down. the family (my aunt and my uncle) thats in the whole drama is hosting my graduation party!

Ted D said...

Hope so too, Krystle.

Manny just hit #500!

Krystle [RSO] said...

Okay let's figure THAT one out.

Got off the phone with my cousin and I REALLY had to take the call. Her sisters the one in the hospital. Seconds after I get off the phone he does it.

Manny did know that I needed it!