Thursday, May 1, 2008

Passing it on

They say all men turn into their fathers when they get older; unfortunately, this means Rakes and Trot will be obsessive compulsive germaphobes who live and die with a baseball team, causing their wives to mutter under their breath and shoot them dirty looks at dinner time.

Sorry, boys.

It also means I'll eventually turn into MY Pop, who I found this morning perched in front of the computer at the office (it IS his home, so I can't get too upset) composing a letter. Now, I'm naturally thinking this has something to do with the real estate business, his sisters, or he's just forwarding that "send this to 10 people in the next 10 minutes and you'll win a billion pigeons" or something close to it.

Instead, he's full of righteous indignation at DHL for sending him junk mail. Yes, junk mail. The man has a paper shredder, a trash compactor, and about 15 perfectly good trash cans, yet he's COMPELLED to send a letter demanding they stop sending him stuff. In addition to the letter, he's got some poor temp at DHL Corporate near tears as he tells her the following: "If DHL has YOUR attitude, I'm amazed they do any business at all".

All because he got a letter saying they'd like to service his account in a better way. The man is certifiable; when I asked him why he was so worked up, I got a response that included "arrogant people think they can get away with anything, they are just like the mafia", and a Yankee comparison, which I actually sort of went along with.

He got this way once before with the telephone company and apparently some guy named Darrin at the California office is responsible.

Ang, I'd like to apologize for anything similar to this that I'll do in the next 40 years.

You can't fight genetics.


Tree Newt said...

Dude, THAT was CLASSIC!!! I can just see it transpiring! Why am I never there for those?!! I missed DHL, AND Darrin?!!! 'tis unfair!

Although, to be fair, you're already reacting like Pop. I believe that instead of writing your rants in letter form, you do it on this thing. See: Ted-spontaneously-combusts-over-Bud-Selig's-conspiracy-to-keep-him-from-seeing-Sox-games -by-signing-exclusivity-deal-with-Direct TV.

Ted D said...

Shut up.

I'm NOT like Pop already.

If I am, just fit me for the straight jacket already.

Bro, he was OUT OF CONTROL.

I'm officially scared.

Tex said...

Apple, meet Tree(and not the newt one). :)

Anonymous said...

I don't know what is funnier. Your blog Ted or your conversation with Mattie. Hilarious either way! OCG? Never heard of it!

Ted D said...


Et tu?

Edge, you know it's not nice to make fun of a man with problems, right? ;)

~**Dawn**~ said...

1. So does that mean that Rakes & Trot will outgrow the germs they harbor that send your not-so-inner germophobe scrambling for Lysol & Purell? Or will they grow up to ultimately be scared of themselves?

2. I hope that "Yankee" reference was directed at Satan's Pinstriped Minions and those who hail from the northeast portion of the USA. =P

3. And to break up the rip on Ted fest: that means you're also raising two little guys that will grow up to be good people & great friends. =) No big deal if the apple doesn't fall far, in my opinion.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Oh & with a name spelled Darrin? I think it's destined to be your fault. =P

Tex said...

Ted, since when did you speak in tongues? ;)

Ted D said...

Thanks Dawn. 'Preciate the back up. And it was directed at the Yankees.

Tex, sometime between last night and dropping Ciera off at school I picked up the flu. Chills, fever, aching, and running to the bathroom every 5 minutes.

So this'll be my one appearance today; hopefully tomorrow is better.

Krystle said...

Feel better Ted! Get it out of your system now and not have it for your Boston trip =].

That story is just too much! Does this mean that your daughter is going to be like your wife? While the little boys are like you? It's good to have MORE baseball fans in this world.

Tex said...

you better git yorsef to tha doc cos it better not be FulPaloooza when you get here ;)

Ted D said...

Feeling a little better, Tex. It's hard to get some rest in this three ring circus, plus I slept so much yesterday I was up until 3 this morning.

I don't feel like I'm been in a car wreck anymore and I can keep Gatordade down, so at least there is some improvement.

Elmerpalooza will proceed as planned.