An Open Letter to Josh Beckett

*Video NSFW*

Dear Commander,

Remember that guy in that video? The one who was pitching like a modern-day Bob Gibson with a bad case of hemorrhoids? You know, that guy who cursed out Kenny Lofton for having the audacity to head to first on what he though was ball 4 but wasn't.

Or the guy that screamed at A.J. Pierzynski "F*** you, you're out!" after he flew out to CF (you probably got about 1,000 thank you calls from the rest of MLB after that game), tried to take on Ryan Howard in SPRING FREAKING TRAINING for pimping a non-home run, and answered reporters questions with the disgust dripping from your voice?

Can we have him on the mound tonight? 'Cause it's been one mother of a road trip so far; 1-5 heading into a 4 game set with the Orioles, who all of a sudden don't suck anymore. Guys are pressing, Wake probably is contemplating a lawsuit against the team for lack of run support, and Tito is most likely chewing TUMS by the fist full.

We need you, big guy. You gotta be the stopper we know you are, striking people out, screaming obscenities in the air, and getting that blond reporter from MASN's phone number as you take the field.

I want the last image I see of Brian Roberts to be of him sobbing uncontrollably in the dugout, Kevin Millar to strike out 5 times, and if you feel like hitting Jay Payton in the gibleys? Hey, who am I to argue?

They need a lift, man. Something to break the funk of this road trip, get Mike Lowell smiling again, and get Manny to man hug Tek, causing a moment of epic awkwardness.

In other words, just go out and be Josh Freaking Beckett.

Thanks,

RSD

PS: If you get the chance, could you punch Gary Thorne in the face? Thanks, man.

UPDATE: Sox win 5-2, thanks to 3 errors by the Orioles. It wasn't vintage Beckett, but I'll take it.