Monday, August 17, 2009

Happy Birthday, Sissy.

Tomorrow, at 12:55 p.m., my little girl turns 11.

And in another week, she heads off to middle school where who knows what awaits while I head to the pawn shop to buy a really big pistol, a concealed carry permit, and several bottles of Valium.

Up until now, my life as a Dad has consisted of diaper changing, 4,390 Lego pieces scattered across the living room, and trying to help her do Elementary School level homework.

We're about to graduate to boys, cliques, boys, Pre-Algebra, boys, and all the joys of 400 plus pre-teens gathering in one place, for 8 hours, EVERY day.

Did I mention boys?

I may only be 5 ft 6 inches, but if I accomplish nothing else in this life I swear on the contract of David Ortiz that I will make life miserable for every little dink who darkens my front door.

Not only will they have to pass my carefully crafted Red Sox quiz, they are going to have to make it through the front line defense of Rakes and Trot, THEN get past me, my gun, and that 8 inch think steel door I'm having installed next week.

For the love of all that is holy, where have the past 11 years went? To say I'm not ready for all this is the understatement of the century. I don't even know where to begin.

All I can hope for is that I've brought her up the best I know how, she's actually listened on the rare occasion I've made any semblance of sense, and that her Mom's genes are the majority rule.

'Cause other than that?

I've got no hope.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl.


HorshamScouse said...

Big Happy Birthday hugs to Ciera!

Ted D said...

I'll pass the word, John. And thanks.

Rich in the garage said...

Happy bithday runt! Don't be afraid of the boys, they so much as make you THINK about crying crazy cousin Rich and uncle JB will pay them a visit...and it won't be to play Monopoly.

Ted D said...

Jr, between you and JB I won't have to worry about boys until she's 50. Thanks for the backup. ::high five::

Amy B. said...

Happy Birthday Ciera.

Tex said...

You need to purchase one of those life size pictures of Ortiz to stand at your door. Hook up a monitor to it so you can talk thru it! ;)

Ted D said...

Thanks, Amy! And Tex, that's not a bad idea. Maybe a Beckett one instead?

Tree Newt said...

Happy Birthday C!!!! Can't believe you're 11!! I would be teaching you if you lived down here. That's just crazy!

Bro, make lots of notes, cause I get to do it TWICE!!! You'll be glad for Trot and Rakes when they hit the tweens!!

Stacy said...

Happy Birthday, Goose! Love you bunches!

ps - stay away from boys. Trust me. :)

Ted D said...

Mattie, once is enough but I'll take notes. And listen to your Aunt. ;)

Tex said...

OH and

Happy Birthday C!!!!!

Amy B. said...

yup boys are nothing but trouble...Stacy is very smart.

Ted if you move up here, I'll make sure no boys go near her.

Ted D said...

Tex, I'll let her know; thanks!

And Amy, is that a promise? 'Cause between you, Rich, and Josh I'm fairly certain I can keep her at home with me until she gets blue hair or I die, whichever comes first.

Matty said...


Been there twice, done that twice!

All I can say brother is, God Bless YOU !!!

P.S. I'm here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.

Ted D said...


I have no idea how you did that twice. I'm a flipping nervous wreck.