AL Predictions.

Because I had one of those nights where I'm positive somebody is going to knock on my front door and demand I turn over my Dad card, I'm not writing about Huey, Dewey, and Louise tonight. In fact, after I post this I'm going to bed and pretending today never happened. You hear me? It NEVER happened.

As we wrap up Opening Day, I decided to lay out my picks for the 2008 season. Keep in mind the name of this blog is Red Sox Dad, so if you expect impartial analysis of each team and the factoring in of VORP and how a team hits with 1 out, a guy on 2nd, and the beer vendor down the first place line at row 3, you may not be interested in the rest of what I have to say. I hear Bill James is a whiz at that sort of stuff. You may want to head his way.

AL EAST:
1. Boston Red Sox. Why? World Series Champs, virtually the same roster, and Manny in a contract year. Sort of.
2. The MFY's. Even with Richie, Potzie, and Ralph Malph penciled into the starting rotation they have enough thump to finish second. Although I'm guessing they don't even make it as the Wild Card. Do you honestly think The Chin is going to hit .338, or whatever he hit again? Jeter is 32, Damon should be used for glue at this point, and it's still not clear whether Giambi can function without the aid of chemicals.
3. Blue Jays. They are counting on A.J. Burnett to save them. That's like hoping the Shiites and Sunnis will all of a sudden have a slumber party together. It ain't happening.
4. Rays. If they EVER get consistent pitching, look out.
5. Orioles. As long as Angelos remains the owner, this once proud franchise will continue to provide updates to the rest of the division on what the cellar looks like.

AL Central:
1. Cleveland. I know the Tigers are the obvious pick, but that bullpen scares the beejesus out of me. Todd Jones is the closer, for Pete's sake. And while I know he's done it for years, sooner or later he's GOTTA revert back to the beer league softball pitcher we all know he is.
2. Tigers. I won't be surprised if they do win it, but Dave Dombrowski better get some bullpen help STAT. That said, they very well could set the watermark for 14-13 game wins. That is one scary lineup.
3. White Sox. Ozzie Guillen is a classic. Yes, I'm basing my pick on the manager being an absolute nut case. It wouldn't shock me if he sprinted out of the dugout and tackled a player running to first. Fact is, I'm a firm believer baseball needs more guys who if they had a real job would be declared mentally incompetent.
4. Kansas City. Just because. Like I said, there has been absolutely NO real analysis given to these picks. I'm old school: straight from the gut. Plus I think George Brett has threatened to hit Alex Gordon in the giblies with a fungo bat every time they lose. And we all know you don't want THAT to happen.
5. Minnesota Twins. They lose their best pitcher in Santana, best hitter in Hunter, and the manager looks like he's one shot away from tending bar at " Jimmy's Place" in Fargo.

AL WEST:
1. The California/Los Angeles/Santa Monica/Beverly Hills 90210 Angels. Even with the top two starters beginning the year on the DL, they have Vladdy. As time goes on, I'm more and more convinced Vlad comes from the future, sort of like the Terminator. How else do explain a guy who walks like he's 78 and can hit a ball off his shoelaces onto the Freeway passing by the stadium? That sort of stuff is NOT normal.
2. Texas Rangers. Only because Josh Hamilton is playing for them now, and other than the Red Sox going back to back, there is NOTHING more I want than to see this man do well. Carolina boy, drug addict, collector of REALLY cheesy tattoos, I'd like nothing more than for him to win Comeback Player of the Year. And hitting in that bandbox? He very well could do it.
3. Seattle. Only because Oakland would have a hard time beating the Bad News Bears right now. I'm not buying the hype; unless Jr. Griffey comes back, they don't have the bats to compete over a full season.
4. Oakland. A banged up 3rd baseman is your best player. 'Nuff said.

Now, come October I'll post how my brilliant predictions actually played out in the AL. If the Royals end up in the WS it won't shock me; I just needed a diversion tonight.

Tomorrow, the NL picks.

Unless Rakes does something REALLY funny, then all bets are off.