Thursday, October 11, 2007

School Daze

Went to my first solo parent meeting at Ciera's school tonight, and I'm pretty sure it'll be my last.

I don't know why goofy stuff happens to me when I'm sans wife, but it just does.

Pulling into the parking lot tonight, I was amazed at my good luck: all of the reserved parking spots up front were empty, so I parked the Griswold mobile and headed inside.

Upon entering the cafeteria, I'm immediately struck by the following:

1. I'm the only dude in sight.

2. All the ladies are dressed to kill, while I'm sporting a long sleeve Eskimo Joe shirt with my Trot Nixon t-shirt over it, jean shorts, and wearing my Sox cap. Which is another way of saying I'm standing out like Forest Gump at the Black Panther party.

3. With roughly 95 4th graders at this school, there is MAYBE 20 parents at the meeting. Don't get me wrong, I understand that some people can't make a 6 p.m. meeting on a Thursday night. But are you telling me that out of roughly 75 other adults, not ONE of them could take the time to show up?

//Begins rant: Why is it that you have to be 16 to drive, 18 to vote, and 21 to drink, yet any moron can procreate? Male or female, I'm about ready to propose my "Everyone must be on birth control unless you can pass a test on parenting that a monkey mainlining meth could pass" amendment. Then, and ONLY then, could you have a child. It constantly amazes me that someone with a child can be so apathetic.//

Rant over.

In the meeting, the principal, who arrived a few minutes late, gets up to hand out the parent booklets. When she gets to me she leans down and says "I'm guessing with all the Red Sox gear you have on YOU are the one who parked in my spot". My Sox license plate frame gave me away.

My first thought? "Oh S**t." Second thought? "I'm never going to be allowed to do this by myself again." However, a few minutes later she comes by and says "It's OK: with the weekend Manny had last week, you can park anywhere you want."

Turns out she is a card carrying member of RSN and we proceed to have a really nice conversation about the season, the ALDS, and Beckett facing Sabbathia.

If you've read this thing more than once, you'll understand why I'm stoked about the events of tonight. Ciera will be moving to middle school after next year.

Rakes and Trot are still waiting in the wings: they'll need all the good will that Dad can build up to avoid detention, suspension, and expulsion in the coming years.

Game 1 is less than 24 hours away: I'm tempted to quote Morgan Freeman from Shawshank here, but don't feel like putting up with the ragging I'd get from certain family members.

Let's just say this: I can't freaking wait.


JET said...

//I'm guessing with all the Red Sox gear you have on YOU are the one who parked in my spot".//

D'oh! Good one Tedders. Glad it all worked out so well.

Enjoy the game tomorrow.
::raging jealousy::

Ted D said...

JET, I'm either the luckiest guy on earth or Ted Williams is pulling some strings for me somewhere: this kind of luck NEVER happens to me!

I'll keep you posted.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Does Ciera know what you did? Ted, that was the most heartbreaking thing I learned about the ps system. The absence of parents. I know how lame some of those meetings can be and yet is it any wonder that we're losing control over what our children are/are not being taught. Hmmm? Wonder why?
Best not get me started. Don't want to put a damper on your blog.

Ted D said...

Denise, I came home and told them and Ciera laughed for 30 minutes! Leave it to me: all the parking spots in the lot, and I pick the principals.

I told one of the Moms there that when I flame out, I flame out in a blaze of glory: no janitor spots for me. Shoot for the top!

Mattie said...

Dude, that is BEYOND classic! The mental pic of you be-bopping in there in all your RSN regailia...oh, to have been a fly on the wall!

We can NOT be related, can we?

~**Dawn**~ said...

Strap yourselves in securely! I have a feeling this is going to be one wild ride! But that's ok -- this is the kind of ALDS real baseball fans live for, regardless of which team you're rooting for!


Ted D said...

Mattie, it was vintage Ted! And I ask myself that same question almost daily!

Dawn, I'm more than ready for the game to start: all this talking for 5 days has driven me crazy. I'm ready for the real deal.

beckperson said...

Ted, I can't tell you how much I DO NOT miss the MFYs this series.

And your story about school was freakin' hilarious! :) Good thing Ciera can laugh now because in about 3 years you won't get that reaction from her! :))

Enjoy the game, everyone! Go Sox!

Ted D said...

Becks, I'm right there with you: as excited as I am about the game, I don't have that burning anger to go along with it. It's actually quite nice!

And yeah, I know it won't last, but for now it's nice.

Stacy said...

You certainly made quite an impression on the new principal. :)

Good thing she's a Sox fan. That is classic.

Ted D said...

Yeah, Sis: It's now official.

I'm a moron. It WAS pretty funny though.

scott h said...

Why did you waste your Sunday clothes for a school meeting?

On the bright side I'm sure Angie is glad all the single moms just scratched you off the list.

beckperson said...

Ted, are you still struggling with posting YouTube video? Happy to help if you need assistance. :)

Ted D said...

LOL Bub: you are, of course, watching the Sox dismantle the Tribe tonight, right? Believe me, I was never ON the single Mom's list: have you looked at me lately?

Becks, I'll email you today or tomorrow: can't figure out what the heck I'm doing wrong.

Christine E. said...

Evening everyone:

Holy Buckets! What a most excellent game for Game #1 of hte ALCS

Have I mentioned how much I am enjoying these Yankee-less games??

NOT enjoying McCarver and Buck--they SUCK...

Ted: It's amazing to me how pathetic parents are these days--they think taking them to soccer, and baseball, and the 567 other events kids have (that is another rant altogether) makes them a good parent--I think it just helps them avoid their kids...

Hope all is well!

Go Sox!

Ted D said...

Christine, after the 10-3 win tonight, all is most definately well!