Tuesday, January 29, 2008

No Johan and Sales Manager Bob Meets Rakes

After months of wondering if Johan Santana was coming to Boston or New York, we all got our answer today: New York it is. Not the Yankees though; the Mets have acquired the best left handed pitcher in baseball for 4 prospects IF they can sign him to a contract extension. All he's asking for is $160 million over 5 years, which if you're wondering is roughly the yearly budget for a third world country, so I'm sure they'll hammer that thing out in a few hours.

2 thoughts on this: First, while I'd have LOVED to have Beckett and Santana on the same team, having to give up Ellsbury, Lester, or any of the other top prospects made me sort of queasy. Second, as long as he didn't go to the Yankees, I'm OK with it. The fact Hank Steinbrenner repeatedly ran his mouth about the Yankees offer being the best, only to get shut out at the end, is icing on top of the cake.

Travelled with Sales Manager Bob the past two days, and while having to work with management is usually about as welcome as a cracked molar, Bob's the exception. A fellow Red Sox fanatic, we usually spend more time talking baseball than actual work and it feels more like spending the day with your buddy than, you know, working.

At lunch today, he asks if he can take us to dinner tonight; us being me, Ang, and the Axis of Evil. After asking him if he's feeling all right, I make sure he's serious. Turns out he was.

It was about 30 seconds after he entered the house that Rakes screams the following; "Mr. Bobby, you donna take us out to dinner?" while he stands all of 2 feet from Bob's face. Right about this time, Bob gets a look on his face that I can only describe as abject horror as the realization sinks in that he's agreed to take ALL of us out to eat. In public.

We finally decide on a local Italian place, and after I pull Trot out of Bob's floorboard and Rakes out of his lap, we head off. Once there, Rakes HAS to sit on the side of the booth with Bob and I, jabbering about Star Wars and Darth Vader the whole time. Meanwhile, Trot sits at the end of the table spending the next 15 minutes trying to eat Bob's house salad, Rakes asks every 3 seconds where his pizza is, and Bob looking at the exit with increasing frequency.

Once the pizza arrives, Rakes pitches an ever loving fit wanting to eat a piece of our Supreme instead of his Pepperoni and at one point looks at me and says the following:

"Look, tough duy. I'm donna eat dis piece of pizza, DEN det a piece of dat pizza. You hear me?"

Look, tough guy? WHERE does he come up with this stuff? When the waitress came by and asked if we needed anything else, Bob didn't even let her finish. By this point, Trot was done and doing his best impersonation of a screaming banshee, so Bob grabbed the check and Trot STILL IN the high chair and carried him to the counter to pay for dinner.

As we leave the restaurant, he looks at me and asks "Are they always like this?" When I answer yes, the only comment he has is "I'd want to work 24 hours a day".

If I still have job tomorrow, it'll be a miracle.


~**Dawn**~ said...

OMG. The Axis of Evil?? LOL!! And Tough Guy?! I am dying here. And Bob carried Trot *in* his high chair?? You are killing me. How old is Bob? Can you just chalk this up as another good child birth public service ad? ;-)

Anonymous said...

I don't think there's a parenting book out there that can help you here. My! My! My! So did you get a chance to eat? I'm thinking not!

Nichole M said...

That story is fit for tv! In fact, given the dearth of fresh ideas in la-la land, I think you should submit it. You might make some money. It was hiLARious.

It will be decidedly less funny if you don't have a job in the morning, tho.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I was just thinking. There is no way Bob can justify firing you. *He* was the one that insisted on taking you to dinner. He saw what you can be up against with his own eyes & then sealed the deal by showing sympathy. I think he has to keep you now, because anything less would make him look completely heartless. ;-)

Ted D said...

Dawn, honest to God, he said it, word for word. I just have no idea where he gets it from. Makes me wonder what his mother lets him watch during the day. Bob is 52 and yep, he carried him in his chair. As for a public service announcement, if it helps one person I guess it's worth it. ;)

Edge, we did get to eat, rushed as it was. You aren't having second thoughts about moving back, are you?

Nichole, in the light of the new morning, it's funny. Last night my blood pressure was severely elevated. And I'm pretty sure he won't fire me, if only because of what Dawn said. HE invited us, not the other way around; then, he interacted with them, which is a big no when dealing with wild creatures. You don't ever look 'em in the eye. ;)

Nichole M said...

Oh, I have no doubt that it was very stressful. But I predict this will be one of those stories you tell your grown up family around the Christmas dinner table... :-)

Ted D said...

Nichole, we were laughing about it this morning. Funny thing is, Bob was making fun of me yesterday for having some gray hairs.

When I talked to him this morning, he apologized; said my hair should be all white instead!

scott h said...

(I do this because it helps keep me sane.) Per Ted from previous blog.

So when was the sanity hearing. Cause I didn't get a chance to testify. If this is sanity then I don't want to wake up.

Good thing you are self employed or you would have just been transferred to the North Dakota territory.

Ted D said...

I hear North Dakota is nice this time of year, Bub.

And I should have said it keeps me clinging to sanity, not keeps me sane.

Tex said...

Tough Guy! LOL!!! I swear Rakes could take that kid's place in the Jerry McGuire movie. Pooor betting he wont offer dinner again ;)

Ted D said...

Tex, Rakes could be the President one day; How scary is that?

Yeah, I'm guessing we had our first and LAST dinner with Bob.

Redbeard76 said...

Tough Guy - you've been letting him watch your Mob movies, haven't ya?

Going back to the toilet stuff, wonderful news. No, she's not potty trained yet, that would take actual effort. She decided to throw one of her toys in the toilet while I was in there brushing my teeth this morning. Nothing valuable or worthwhile but it looks like she's starting to take an interest in the toilet now. Oi...

It only can get better.

Ted D said...

Stephen, keep the remote control and the telephone put up in a high place.

I know from experience they don't work after meeting the toilet bowl.

Redbeard76 said...

Great, two of her favorite things are the phone and remote. I'll have to put her on a leash, a la the hyper-hypo kid from Saturday Night Live played by Mike Myers. (If you haven't seen this before, I'm sure it's on YouTube somewhere.)

Krystle THE Red Sox Oasis said...

Tough Guy? LOL! Just another Birth Control story..

Tree Newt said...

since I got to travel with Bob in the wake of his dinner with the Axis, I must say he wasn't too worse for wear. However, he did keep commenting on how quiet Caroline was. That could just be coincidence, though.

Stacy said...

Ted, what I wouldn't have given to be sitting at a table FAR AWAY in the restaurant and watching this spectacle unfold.

So, did Rakie get his piece of Supreme pizza? :)

Ted D said...

Stephen, believe it or not, Ciera threw the remote when she was about 2. Rakes did the phone.

Krystle, if I can help todays youth in any way, I'm glad.

Mattie, I'll bet he did! My kids make her look like a mute, and she's talkative.

Stacy, it was a scene for sure. And yes, the little bugger got his pizza.

Anonymous said...

Yes, still looking forward to moving back there. Hey I know, why don't we all get together and do lunch? I mean that. Oh of course, your dd and mine will have their own table as will Ang and I. You and my dh and the boys can hang out together. Sound like a plan?

Ted D said...

Sounds like a plan, Edge. When are you guy's coming back again?