Thursday, September 6, 2007

WAY out of my element.

While this particular injury Rakes is sporting on his nose didn't happen as a result of soccer, I have a sinking feeling pictures like this are going to become more and more common.

Somehow I've been drafted, or coerced, into being the assistant coach for Rakes soccer team. Being that I know absolutely NOTHING about the game, this makes perfect sense: I'm pretty sure all they were looking for was someone upright and breathing who showed an interest in what was going on.

Regardless, there I was, the baseball fanatic, faking my way through soccer practice, screaming "GET IN FRONT OF IT" and "KICK IT THAT WAY". See, tonight was the first scrimmage Rakes has had in soccer: Rakes, Wes, and Lane vs. Ashley, Jessie, and Adian.

After 15 knockdown/collisions, as little as I know about soccer, I've figured out this much: Rakes and Ashley better be there for every game, or else The Sharks are going to get KILLED every time. They are the only two who grasp the concept of "go where the ball is, kick it toward YOUR goal, and RUN".

Watching the butterfly flying by, or the coach on the other team, or looking up at the plane that isn't there seems to occupy the rest of the team's attention: talk about having the patience of Job. Coach Wendell has it in spades: meanwhile, I'm trying not to cheer for Rakes so much and encourage the other kids.

Other than the numerous knock downs by all the hooligans, tonight went fairly well: just had to tell the boy that if you get knocked down, you get back up again. Yes, I'm quoting really bad songs just to inspire the kids: you walk a mile in a man's shoes, then feel free to criticize.

As far as that Ashley goes: I may have to talk to her Mom about an arranged marriage for Rakes.

Cute, athletic, and a mean streak a mile long: sounds like she's right in his wheelhouse.


Tex said...

Well Ted...its finally here. we've talked about it, read about it, laughed about it...and FINALLY our two great minds are gonna meet. Im not sure Baltimore is ready.

Im SO tard. I have got to get some sleep and relaxation on the plane...Im sitting in the back...hopefully AWAY from any kids..i LOVE kids but I do NOT want to listen to crying for 3 hours.

nice lil bump Rakes got...ok you need to practice with him pronouncing X's

Ted D said...


Have a safe flight. And while I have no doubt your mind is great, mind is mush. But I can't wait to meet my 4th sister.

Rakes has perfected the bump: I'm thinking about training him to be a pro wrestler.

And from now on, when he say's Tek, it'll make me smile!

See you on Saturday.

KAYLEE said...


HorshamScouse said...

Have a great time Ted. I'll raise a glass (well, bottle) at game time.

BTW, terminology in soccer: we kick towards their goal!

Anonymous said...

Ted, Tex and Mattie: I hope you all enjoy your time together this weekend. Ted: It looks like you have a whole new series of blogs with your soccer endeavors. Looking forward to reading them. Tex: I really like your avatar. Nice job!

Stacy said...

That boy is a born athlete...he runs from daylight until dark and has the coordination of someone several years older.

I just wish he didn't get so many scrapes and bruises in the process. :) (Same goes for the Dot.)

Have a great trip. And listen to Matt. :)

Ted D said...


Is there a "Soccer for Dummies" book I can buy?

Denise, I'm looking forward to this weekend, and as far as the soccer goes, I'll handle it like everything else: just make it up as I go along.

Stacy, how goes the teaching? I'm impressed you haven't killed one of the little buggers yet. And I think scrapes and bruises just come with the territory of being a boy.

Mattie said...

Hey, don't knock those butterfly watching kids...I was once one myself! It's part of the game at that age. Some are born athletes, some are born's just how it goes.

Oh my Lord, it's time for Baltimore...

C-Lake Winnipesaukee said...

There is a time & place for butterfly watching (like at the beach on Labor Day :) but not during soccer lol.

Enjoy watching the Red Sox in person!

Ted D said...

Are you ready Corn Meal? Jumpster is as excited as we are, though we're not supposed to look at his kitchen ceiling, per the wife: doing a little pipe work.

Carol, that bit of news from him doesn't surprise you, huh?

We'll be under the scoreboard tomorrow night, so look for us there.

HorshamScouse said...


I guess you could do worse. I started with Baseball For Dummies about 15 years ago and learned a lot, including what a tosser Joe Morgan has become:)

HorshamScouse said...

That link doesn't look right, try this:

Ted D said...

John, I think I'll grab that: figure I'd better learn all the proper terms and rules!

After all, I can't call you in NZ because it's tomorrow there already.

scott h said...

After all, I can't call you in NZ because it's tomorrow there already.

Maybe you should call him and find out how much your bail WAS.

Ted D said...

Bub, no bail money needed: but just in case, I've got you down as my one call. You do have access to a Western Union right?