Riding the Storm Out

Trot's MRSA is back with a vengeance.

It's all good.

Rakes is in a battle royale with his allergies? I'm fine.

Ciera in the throes of puberty at the age of nine? Not happy, but what are you gonna do?

For the second night in a row, the Red Sox have walked off in the bottom of the ninth inning. Tonight, the accolades go to Manny for hustling home from second and to the Captain for driving him in.

2-1 Red Sox, with Daisuke going 7 innings amd 0 runs. Oki gave up a run in the 8th, but the Papelbot shut the door in the 9th.

For the record, my heart loves games like this. My stomach? That's another story.

I love Dirty Water and all that.

But give me a classless win any day of the week.

Back from Paradise

Five minutes after picking the kids up and getting home, the following occurred.

Rakes hit Trot upside the head with a water gun rifle, leaving a bump the size of Greenland, Ciera had asked me for the 15th time if I'd write a check for $50 to her school (so she could be Principle or something; I gotta admit I was in overload), and apparently Trot's adventures with MRSA aren't quite over.

Does anyone have a 20 ft bubble I can borrow for the next 15 years?

Ang and I had a great time away; we actually talked about something other than "Are you going to handle this or do you want me to?"

Crossing the Inter coastal Waterway as we entered Emerald Isle, we discussed how much longer Trot will be in diapers.

At the Bouge Inlet Pier, we strolled hand in hand and wondered if Rakes needs to be on Ritalin and if the age of 9 is too young to enroll Ciera in a nunnery.

Ang and I spent some time along the waterfront at Morehead City, watching the ships roll in and having some quality time with each other. Just don't tell her I was wondering why we couldn't score more runs when Beckett pitched, will ya'?

Finally, the Red Sox don't waste a fantastic pitching performance; Jon Lester goes 8 innings, gives up 1 hit, and in the bottom of the ninth? A little walk off magic; Papi walked, Manny singles, and Youk drives The Large Father in with a single. Sox win, 1-0.

It's official. I'm never going on vacation during the season again.

Pedie has competition

In his first T-Ball practice Rakes lined the first pitch (yeah; no tee at T-Ball. Weird, right?) he saw right back at the coach's gibleys. Yes, I was proud beyond words.

Here he looks very Jacoby-esque at second, waiting to dash into third. Either that or he's REALLY gotta pee. It could go either way. It sounds like he really had fun and he's already asking when he gets to practice again, so I think the T-Ball experiment may be a success. As a fanatic about the game, to have my boy this amped up to play? Happy doesn't begin to cover it.

Tomorrow, Ang and I head to Emerald Isle, NC for a 3 day, 2 night vacation. Did I mention it's without Curly, Larry, and Moe? I don't think we'll know what to do without a diaper to change, a fight to break up, or a screaming match to referee.

As Frank Costanza once said, Serenity Now.

Hey Tex? Keep out the riff raff, will ya'?

Free Baseball

The Red Sox and Rays are currently in the bottom of the 11th, tied at 4-4, with no outs and Carl Crawford at second.

I need a hug.

To top it all off, Ang is singing in a wedding tomorrow and the rehearsal was tonight at 6:30. At least in theory; it didn't end until 8:15, which means we didn't eat until 9:00 tonight.

Yes, I went.

And I firmly believe if I had been home watching the game, the Sox would have won it in 9 innings and my stomach wouldn't be churning right now. Yes, I'm THAT superstitious. Adding injury to insult, The Mayor blew a tire scoring a run and had to leave the game.

I blame myself.

Carl Crawford just scored from second; game over, Rays win 5-4.

I'll be in the kitchen, banging my head on the counter if you need me.

Love stinks.

It's Good To See The Large Father Smile

The Red Sox dropped two games in a row to the Angels, the second coming today in a 7-5 loss.

Meh. Justin Masterson, fresh from Double AA Portland went 6 innings, gave up two hits, one run, four walks, and four strikeouts. It's not his fault the bullpen went down in flames like somebody poured gasoline on them. Lopez and MDC were the prime culprits, and from descriptions I've read, Lil' Manny may have that plague the rest of the team has been fighting.

Down 7-3, Papi made it interesting by hitting his 4th HR of the year into the Angel bullpen in the 9th. For a guy hitting .189, the four dingers and the 20 RBI's are pretty freaking impressive. So they head to Tampa sitting in first place with a 15-9 record; considering I was praying for a .500 April, I'm thinking they'll be just fine.

In addition to Trot and his various ailments, Rakes is allergic to SOMETHING in our yard; I thought it was the stupid cats at the animal shelter last week, but no. It's in our OWN YARD. Do you realize what this means? The kid with ADD who LIVES to go outside is going to have to stay indoors. With us. For the forseeable future.

Hold me.

No, Trot didn't clock him in both eyes with a sledge hammer; poor kid looks like he went 12 rounds with Floyd Mayweather. Whatever he's allergic to caused that, plus he has a cough that I can only imagine resembles what someone who has chain smoked non-filtered Kools for 50 years sounds like.

Between him and his allergies, Trot and the flesh eating disease, and Ciera seemingly hitting puberty at the advanced age of 9, I'm expecting the locust and the frogs any day now.

Tedapalooza is just 3 weeks away.

It can't get here soon enough.

The Trials of Trot

It's been well documented here that ever since he was born, lil' Trot has had his share of health issues; constant ear infections that led to surgery for tubes at 9 months, stomach bugs, allergies, etc..

Newest plague? MRSA, which is a fun little thing to have. We found this out yesterday, even though he's been fine since last week.

Last Monday, Ang was bathing him when she screamed hysterically for me to get to the bathroom. The following ensued:

Ang: "He's got a flesh eating bacteria! Look behind his ear! Oh my Lord, what are we going to
do?"

Me: (blank stare, panic rolling in.)

Ang: "Ted, look at his ear! He's got one of those flesh eating viruses! We've got to do something!"

Me: "STOP SAYING THAT!"

You get the idea; it went on like that for a good 15 minutes while Trot screamed like some chimp with rabies and I kept expecting an alien baby to pop out of the mess behind his ear. We took him to the doctor on Tuesday, he calmly said it was Impetigo, gave us an antibiotic, and sent us on our way.

I guess the culture finally came back yesterday (nothing like modern medicine; it took 8 freaking days to get a sample back from 2 miles away) and it's a mild version of what I imagine the Black Plague looked like at the beginning.

Which brings me to the picture. See, the Doc thinks he got the staph infection from drinking 4 day old rain water that had ponded up on the play hut out back. Yes, he drank it and somehow I kept from developing hives.

So I hit the door today, Ang is on the phone, Rakes is watching tv, and Trot is nowhere to be seen. All of a sudden, here he comes strolling out of our room, soaking wet from head to toe (toilet) with a mouth full of something. I tell him to spit it out, and he hands me a fist full of pennies; dirty, germ soaked pennies put in his mouth by hands that had just been in the toilet.

Did I mention I'm a tad OCD when it comes to germs?

It's a miracle he doesn't have SARS, Asian Bird Flu, and Scarlett Fever by now.

Even more impressive? I didn't immediately pass out.

Help Wanted

Seeking:

Patient, loving Babysitter to look after 1 tremendously sweet little girl and 2 well behaved, OK, they can eat with utensils, little boys.

Active, high energy, and apparently deaf, since they listen to NOTHING I say. They eat well, play well with others (If you consider bleeding a positive), and they do sleep. Eventually.

Positives include laughing your rear off, playing sports, and you're never bored.

Negatives? Pretty much anything you can imagine. Then imagine more.

How come Ward Cleaver never had days like this?

Dear Uncle Bud

First off, I apologize to the poor secretary who has to read these things; I'm fully aware that The Commissioner never sees them. It's just my OCD and anger force me to actually write the stupid letters.

I realize Patriots Day is a tradition in Boston, and I'm fine with that. But do we have to schedule ANOTHER day game in the same week? Some of us don't work from home or in an office where we can actually, you know, see the stinking game during the day?

I know back in the day that day games were great, Ernie Banks always wanted to play two, and all that other Happy Horse Crap; it's 2008, pally, and I've got 3 kids, a wife, and apparently a dog I've gotta feed. Which means lil' Teddy was driving in bumper to bumper traffic at 80 mph through Raleigh, NC when the pre-game was happening, sitting dead still for an hour because somebody tried to pull a Jeff Gordon move at Miami Blvd., and spent the rest of the day in Fayetteville. (On a side note, you've never seen more tattoo parlors, liquor stores, and nudie bars every 10 feet in your life.)

Point is, I pay good money to watch the EI package. And you and your office, Mr. Selig, have decided 2 day games in a week is a good thing; if I were unemployed or filthy rich, I'd agree with you. Since I'm neither, this weeks game on Thursday and it's 1:30 start time can bite my tweeter.

Which raises another issue; I guess Miss Hathaway is somewhat of a prude, and instead of kicking back in my recliner and watching "CSI Miami" right now, I'm pounding my keyboard, raising my blood pressure, and wondering if I need professional help.

Seems as if she didn't approve of my wish that Ozzie Guillen would show up at your office tomorrow and kick you repeatedly in the gibleys for this asinine day game crap.

You can't find good help anymore.

Oh yeah; the only reason I'm not outside your office right now yelling profanities and calling for a coup is the Red Sox won today, 8-3. Papi continues to mash, Lugo went 4 for 4, and Ron Washington couldn't manage a Little League team.

Sincerely,

Ted.

P.S. Can you call my Congressman Howard Coble and explain that voice message I left about making Patriots Day a National Holiday?

'Cause I'm halfway expecting S.W.A.T. to break down my front door sometime tonight, and I'm pretty sure Ang won't be happy if they do.

Just another game at Fenway

Two things jump out at me when I look at this picture; First, Dustin Pedroia has the head of a 65 year old man. Seriously, how can you be that young and have a hairline usually seen on retired CEO's?

Second is the expression on his face; nothing like a pinch hit triple to drive Big Papi in from first base (The big man needed an oxygen mask by the time he motored home) to give you a smile. The Mayor drew a bases loaded walk to put the Sox ahead, and then we were all on Papelbot time.

Final score? 6-5, Red Sox, with Wake getting his second win of the year. Angie and Ciera were at a baby shower for a woman from church, and Trot and Rakes both picked the bottom of the 8th inning to wake up from nap time.

So, like any good Dad, I ignored their requests for juice and snacks, grabbed them both up and plopped all three of us in the chair to watch the last inning of the game. While Trot babbled on about Curious George and Rakes reenacted Pedie's headfirst slide into third REPEATEDLY, I watched the boys win their 8th come from behind game win this season.

Don't worry; they got the juice and snacks once it was over. I just figured they could eat anytime; it's never too early to introduce them to Red Sox Nation.

Saturday Rumblings

Just another Saturday for The Stooges today; while Dad was working, they went to the local Animal Shelter where Trot terrorized a ball of fur...

Rakes somehow walked a dog around the lot without strangling the dog, himself, or the people working there...

While Ciera found our previous dog Marino's doppelganger...

Apparently, I'm adopting little Buster, even though we don't have the money for a fence right now, Angie is adamant about no dogs in the house, and judging by the size of his paws, Buster will resemble a baby Elephant once he's fully grown. Not to mention feeding the beast; I already have enough trouble feeding the two-legged things that live in this house.

Besides, his name is going to be Beckett.

Ended the day with Ciera having her second softball practice, and I'm proud to say she made contact with every pitch she saw except for two.

She looks like a natural, right?

Over at Fenway Park, they are headed to the top of the 8th inning, Rangers up 3-2.

I smell walk off.

*UPDATE: It wasn't quite a walk off, but Manny hit an absolute Moon Shot in the bottom of the 8th, and only the light tower kept it from landing on the Mass Pike. Papelbon in the 9th, and it adds up to a Sox win to the tune of 5-3. 12-7 on the year and the Yankees are losing 6-0; does it get any better?

Slump This

It's nice to see The Large Father smiling again. After a rough start to the season, Papi has started to come on lately, culminating in his opposite field, over the Green Monster Grand Slam in tonight's game vs. Texas.

Throw in 5 plus from Daisuke, a Munchkin bomb, and Aardsma getting out of a bases loaded jam in the 8th, you've got a good thing going.

Matsuzaka wins his 4th game, Papi with 5 RBI tonight, and Jacoby Ellsbury could probably outrun a cheetah in a foot race. Sox win 11-3 and sit in first place in the AL East at 11-7; going into the season, with the trip to Japan and the schedule, I would have taken a .500 record as a positive.

I'm glad they don't listen to me.

I'm not ready for this yet.

Remember that little Don Juan who asked Ciera to be his Valentine back in February? Well, the future little thorn in my side has stepped it up a notch.

Seems as if he went and bought MY baby girl a diamond angel necklace (sorry for the quality: stinking thing is BRIGHT) for no apparent reason. Mind you, she doesn't even like the little booger eater in that way, but he's making my decision to buy a gun, a pit bull, and razor wire to surround the house easy for me.

Supposedly this thing cost $99 dollars; Mr. Romance showed her the receipt. What 9 year old boy has that kind of bank and buys a necklace for a girl instead of a new glove, a video game, or hits the arcade? I'll tell you what kind: one I've got my eye on from now on.

She still plays with Barbie Dolls and thinks I'm the best thing going; I don't need this little Lothario causing her to grow up any faster than she already is. What he doesn't realize is I've got Operation Annoyance in the wings; if this kid is still around in 5 or 6 years, I've got Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in training to run off any boy stupid enough to cross the threshold that is my front door.

I've got a feeling Ciera isn't going to like me much from the ages of 16-21. It's all right; I've got a thick skin.

After that cluster mess last night (I'm not going to dignify it by calling it a baseball game) tonight has been much better. It's 7-3 Red Sox, bottom of the 5th, and up until this inning Beckett had been on cruise control. Which of course has turned the convicts in the stands at the toilet into maniacs until The Commander just got Slappy to pop up.

Bigger story has been Manny; 3 for 3 with TWO home runs and a single, which if you're keeping score at home has him at 495 for his career. He also pointed to the camera, then bear hugged the Munchkin while they were on the bench, for some reason.

Nothing beats Manny being Manny.

UPDATE: Beckett went 8 and the final score was 7-5, Red Sox. After Farnsworth buzzed Manny, Beckett just nodded. Somebody is getting drilled come July. PLEASE let it be Arod.

Dave Roberts Appreciation Day

With the Red Sox and the Yankees engaged in yet another classic game (9-8 Red Sox, bottom of the 5th as I type this), I'm distracted, nervous, and have no idea what to post about tonight.

Earlier, I saw on SI.com a feature on great Sox/Yankee moments from the past, with the requisite shots of Ruth, Tek punching Arod, and Papi.

For me? Dave Freaking Roberts.

'Nuff said.

Now, as Julian has loaded the bases and the game is tied, still in the bottom of the 5th?

I'll be behind the sofa if you need me.

*UPDATE* It's now 11-9, Yankees. My ulcer? It's bleeding.

*Update #2: It's over. Yankers win 15-9. Yes, 15-9. Apparently Rudi Stein from the Bad News Bears wasn't available to make it worse. How do two of the best teams in the game have a 15-9 game? Beckett tomorrow; 10 to 1 he plunks somebody.

Welcome to the Show, Meat.

3 RBI's in your first game in the bigs?

How awesome is that?

Welcome to Boston, Mr. Lowrie.

Somewhere, Kelly O is smiling.

5-3 Red Sox, and my dream about a 15 game winning streak doesn't seem so far fetched now, does it? ;)

Mark it down on your calendar: The Red Sox are in first place on April 15th.

Here's to them staying there the rest of the year.

Off to the Big Apple, with Buchholz and Beckett representing.

I like our odds.

Off Day

Miss Hathaway knows when I take the day off, all calls are to be screened except for the following three; Theo Epstiein calling to finally offer me that "Executive assistant to the GM" job, Ed McMahon telling me I've won the Publishers House Sweepstakes, and Angie uttering the following: "We're at the Ramirez Level, Miss Hathaway. Tell Ted to grab his Emergency hazmat suit and meet me at the front door".

Trust me, you don't wanna know.

Other than that, her job on my off day is to take down messages and continue typing up the peace accord I'm proposing for the Sunni's and the Shiite's. I don't want to give away too much, but suffice it to say that the Red Sox, Bert Reynold's rug, and an entire collection of "He-Man: Master of the Universe" toys are involved.

So while she worked on my future Pulitzer Prize, I took Martin and Lewis to the park. Where I had to show Trot the proper way to go down the slide...

Took this rather scary shot of Rakes...

And had a great day with my 2 favorite little rug rats in the whole world.

It beats working any day of the week.

After taking 2 outa 3 from the Yankees, the Sox are in Cleveland for 2 games before heading to NYC and 2 more with New York.

Here comes the start of that 15 game winning streak I keep dreaming about.

You'd think they were watching the Moon landing.

For the first time in weeks, the weather was nice enough to take the Stooges outside to play today. With the mind numbing experience known as the Furniture Market behind me, I was able to take the kids outside and have a catch today.

Ciera is playing softball this year, Rakes is playing T-Ball, and Trot is playing terrorize the neighbor's dogs, so a good time was had by all. This picture was taken after we came inside after 2 hours, and they were all good and worn out.

What on the television captured all three of their attention enough to cause them to look like wax statues? A baseball game? Or maybe a Sponge Bob marathon? Nope: Return of the Jedi. Rakes was in HEAVEN.

"Dad, what is dat dudes name with the cape?"

Me: "Lando Calrission".

"Oh, Bando Talerission. Me dove him, Dad. He's tunny".

I failed to mention he was fashioning a belt to hold a plastic bat (his lightsaber) and a gun ( laser blaster) while we had this conversation.

May the Force be with me.

A Win for Tomapalooza II

Because of the blessed event known as Furniture Market, I missed Manny launching one over the Monster, Beckett doing his best impression of Nolan Ryan, and thankfully, Papi continuing to struggle.

I did hear Manny's 2 run double while driving home, as anyone passing a gold colored Toyota Camry with the driver pumping his fist and screaming on I85 in central NC can attest. I thought I'd miss the last part of the game, as Ciera had her first softball practice tonight, and Dad wasn't about to miss it. Thankfully, for me, the game was delayed by rain and I got to see my little girl, in her Jacoby shirt, Sox cap, and pink and black cleats play a mean CF tonight.

When play finally resumed, the MFY's had 2 on, 2 out, and Slappy McBluelips at the plate. Enter the Papelbot.

3 pitches later, Pap was stomping toward the dugout, Arod was prancing toward 3rd base, and the game was headed to the ninth. After the boys went down in order, Joe Buck was practically salivating over who would pitch the 9th, since there was NO WAY Papelbon would come back out after warming up THREE WHOLE TIMES.

Sorry, Jr. Pap don't roll that way. Of COURSE he came back for the 9th; all he did was strike out Giambi and Posada, then get Cano to ground out to end the game. 'Cause Jonathon Papelbon ain't your ordinary closer; he's part cyborg, part lunatic, and part Jeff Foxworthy.

Whatever he's made of, I could care less. Bottom line is the Yankees sent the heart of the order up to face him, and he went through them like Grant took Richmond, with fires and heartache in his wake.

Hey Slappy?

Bite Pap's Tweeter.

BTW, Tomapalooza references frequent SG commentator Tom Miles' annual visit to Boston from England. Funny doesn't begin to describe Miles, and thankfully I had a chance to talk with him via Candaon's cell phone today. Honestly, I'm not really clear on what was said, but I do know Miles was happy to be in Boston, his little girl Daisy is well, and he apparently loves me.

Since he told me so 3 times.

Miles, I heard you too.

Wanged in Boston

Like Manny, I can't believe it. How in the world did Chen Mien Wang throw a 2 hit complete game that resulted in a 4-1 MFY win? Seriously, the Red Sox made this guy look like vintage Nolan Ryan tonight. The only run came from a JD Drew HR that somehow cleared the bullpen fence with Bobby Abreu right there; I'm tempted to think Timlin was screaming something about a bow and arrow while he tried to catch the ball with his towel.

If you don't get that last sentence, you need to buy the EI package. Seriously.

Bottom line is this; Wang pitched his tail off and Buchholz did as well, although he didn't get the breaks Wang did. Tip your cap to the winner and move on. Tomorrow is Beckett vs. Mussina; I like our odds.

Tonight was one of those games where the opposing pitcher was flat out dealing and you hope the next time you face him he's worried about that argument with his wife over who cleans out the dishwasher. Because he was as good as a pitcher can be tonight.

I'm tired, I'm wore out, and I've still got 2 more days of Furniture Market to go, so I'll admit I'm not in the best frame of mind. Still, I'll take a dinged up Josh Beckett over just about anyone else not named Santana any day of the week.

Prediction? The boys get one back tomorrow.

A child arrived just the other day. Or it seems like it.

"My son turned ten just the other day. He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today, I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed, Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.You know I'm gonna be like him."

I make every effort I can to be at my kid's events. Whether it's an Honors Assembly or field trip with Ciera, or one of Rakes' soccer games. Even when I'm in the hell known as Furniture Market. So with my brother-in-law Keith's permission, I ducked out around 15 minutes early today and drove the 40 minutes home to catch my 2 foot tall version of Pele wreak havoc on the soccer field.

He only scored once tonight, but he had a blast, slapped me a high five when he scored, and only kept kicking the ball after the whistle blew 3 times. Progress and all that.

Would I have rather caught the first inning of the Sox game? If you'd asked me at 6:55, I'd have said yes. After screaming myself horse for 30 minutes? No freaking way.

'Cause there is no way I EVER want this part of that classic Harry Chapin song to come true:

"I've long since retired and my son's moved away. I called him up just the other day. I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time. You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu, But it's sure nice talking to you, dad. It's been sure nice talking to you." And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me, He'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me."

I figure it'll be my time in around 17 years. Right now? It's my little girl's and the 2 Tazmanian Devils.

And that's OK with me.

I'll leave you with a picture of Trot, Rakes, and my Yankee buddies son, Ryan. He's a good kid and it's not his fault his Dad is leading him down a bad road. Plus, I figure hanging out with my two can't hurt.

Ang already has had him eating off a Red Sox plate.

Heh.

From the mouth of Rakes

Rakes, at 9:06 tonight.

"Look, Dad! Dat Toto Trispy!"

With the score 7-2 Tigers, headed to the bottom of the ninth as I type?

I'll take a laugh wherever I can find it.

*Youk just popped up to end the game. The Red Sox are 4-5; time to panic.*

It's April the 9th; would all the ledge jumpers please move to the back of the line?

Remember people; it's a marathon, not a sprint. And as soon as market is over, I'll have a dispatch from Miss Hathaway, or at least something a TAD creative. Until then, this is the best I've got.

And yes, I realize it's not much.

Opening Day

God Bless Johnny Pesky. Opening Day at Fenway is always special, and when you throw in the boys getting their World Series rings? Even better.

One thing I love about John Henry and his ownership group; the past is always included, which is why I love this picture of Papi and Johnny Pesky. Except for the fact he made me cry while watching the video tonight, I heard Mr. Pesky.

And kudos to Mr. Henry and the rest of upper management for realizing how much this man means to the team; he got a WS ring and was standing with the rest of the team when they unveiled the 2007 WS Champion banner.

Oh yeah; Slappy struck out 4 times today.

Against the Royals.

Life is good.

Off Day Ramblings

Poor Daisuke. After a 3 week whirlwind trip around the world that would make Phineous Fogg weary, he has to get ready for Opening Day at Fenway while the grounds crew waters the grass. The guy has a newborn at home; cut him a little slack guys.

As of today, April 7th, the Red Sox are 3-4. Last year on April the 7th? They were 4-3. BREAK UP THE TEAM! THEY WON'T WIN ANYTHING! Thanks to Wayne for reminding me of this bit of news.

I know my friend Dawn is ready to run Lugo out of Boston on a rail, and his performance last season and so far this year doesn't help. Yes, I realize he made 3 errors in the game yesterday; in his defense, last April, in the first week of the season, another Sox player made 3 errors in one game. I'm pretty sure we're all in agreement that Mike Lowell is a pretty good player. One game doesn't make a season.

Tek has more HR's than Manny or Papi. If this lasts more than a week I'll be shocked. That said, I'm tickled pink he and JD have started the year off well. JD because he got crucified by the fans and media last year, and Tek because I really hope Theo is going to announce that 3 year extension sometime in the next few weeks.

So, the bullpen looks like a bunch of living gas cans right now. Not worried. This Japan trip has just screwed up everything, and I fully expect Timlin and the rest of the Pirates to right the ship. If it's like this a month from now, THEN I'll start to worry. One week in? No big deal.

If 2004 and 2007 didn't teach you anything, then shame on you. This isn't your grandfathers Red Sox team; this is the 21st century version where panic and pessimism are the names of the exotic dancers down at The Starlight Lounge.

It's a long season people, filled with ups and downs, wins and losses, and victory and defeat. Oh, and BTW? The last year the Blue Jays swept the Sox at home?

2004.

If I recall correctly, that year turned out all right.

From the desk of Miss Hathaway

To whom it may concern,

My employer, the RSD, is starting to worry me. See, he started his twice a year trade show on Friday morning. They call it the "International Home Furnishings Market", but in reality it's nothing more than a glorified flea market where vendors hawk their wares.

You see, this event makes him even more crabby than usual because he has to spend 12 hours a day with a bunch of, well, he refers to them as "dinks". It's really a stressful time for me as well. He yells a lot during this time, his blood pressure shoots up, and he irrationally gets angry at small things like the light not turning green as fast as he'd like.

This market he's got even more stress. It seems that the powers that be at MLB decided to have the Red Sox (they are his FAVORITE team, I have to say. They have this one gentleman named Manny, who has really long dread locks and likes to "Pimp it", whatever that means) who he really likes to see play. Anyway, whoever is in charge decided to have them play 3 day games over the span of 4 days, which has caused some problems with my boss.

See, he's not a fan of taping a game and watching it later. Although he did it today, because somebody he called "The Commander of the FYYO Brigade" was pitching. Now, I have no idea who that is, but it caused the RSD to walk around all day talking about "bringing it" and "putting one in the ear hole". I have no clue what that means, but I think it's important to bring it up.

I'm writing this because I just received a communication that had the phrase "Frank Thomas can bite Beck's tweeter" and "tell Bud Selig to.....", I'm sorry. I'm too much of a lady to repeat that one. And I'm sort of embarrassed I typed the word tweeter, even though I have no idea what it means.

Please. Can whoever is in charge of such matters try and fix this situation? You have no idea what he's like when he's angry. I can't be positive, but I'm pretty sure I overheard him say last night, and I quote, "Whoever is responsible for putting the Ring Ceremony on during the middle of the day is getting a paper bag set on fire on their front porch." I have no idea what he's talking about, but it can't be good.

I just received an email where he incoherently rambled about someone named "Doc", Lugo needing a eye exam, and strangely "Who told Papi he could cut his hair?"Hopefully you know what this means, because I'm completely in the dark.

To close, I hope I've pleaded my case. My employer is not well; he has high blood pressure, he doesn't take care of himself, and according to various sources, his children are a tad misbehaved. He really does live for this baseball team he follows, and if he can't see them? Well, let's just say I bear the brunt of his frustration.

Being that I'm 50 years old and single, I can't stress enough that I need this job. So can someone tell "Uncle Bud", whoever that is, to please get off his rear and help a lady out?

Sincere Thanks,

Miss Hathaway.

P.S. Is the little fella who plays second base spoken for?

Scenes from the Birthday party

In this video, you get a pretty good insight into a typical night at the RSD's house; Rakes saying everything REALLY loud, giving a brief muscle flex (blink and you miss it), and Ciera trying to run the show.

Plus Trot getting all excited about Elmo, some hamming for the camera, and a quick "CHEEEEEESE". And that was one of the quieter moments.

Not much to say about todays game except somewhere along the line, the Red Sox became the Blue Jays whipping boys; 10-2, though from what I heard Buchholz wasn't too bad. Some sketchy fielding and general sloppiness played a bigger factor than any bad pitches.

I'm in agreement with most that this trip to Japan and the 3 week road trip are contributing to the uneven play. Shoot, I got 5 hours last night and feel like I've been through the wringer. Beckett tomorrow, then home to Fenway for about a week. I'm guessing being at home will be just what they need to get back to normal. Here's to the Commander of the FYYO Brigade getting the job done tomorrow and sending them home with a 4-3 record to start the season.

Finally, I leave you with this; a brief look at Rakes being Rakes.

Forget him; somebody help ME.

Huh?

"Skybus Airlines will cease all operations effective Saturday, April 5.Skybus struggled to overcome the combination of rising jet fuel costs and a slowing economic environment. These two issues proved to be insurmountable for a new carrier.We deeply regret the impact this decision will have on our employees and their families, customers, vendors, suppliers, airport officials and others in the cities in which we have operated. Our financial condition is such that our Board of Directors felt it had no choice but to cease operations.Passengers holding reservations for Skybus flights scheduled to depart on or after Saturday, April 5, 2008 should contact their credit card companies to arrange to apply for a refund. More information for customers and others will be made available on the Skybus web site (www.skybus.com) as it becomes available.All flights for Friday, April 4 will be completed. Passengers holding reservations on flights for Friday, April 4 should check in for their flight at a Skybus kiosk at the airport instead of the Skybus website."

Not the post I was hoping to run tonight, I have to point out. We had Trot's birthday party tonight, and I planned to show some video I took, but this news sort of trumped that. I'll try and get the happy stuff put up tomorrow night.

My Mom actually alerted me to this with a seemingly innocent comment about hearing something on the news. Turns out, what she heard was the prelude to what I posted. I mean, c'mon; you just STOP flying? Just like that? In a blink, my trip to Boston seemed like it was in serious danger of not happening.

Thanks to my saint of a wife who looked at my panicked face and said "Do what you need to do" to my buddy Rob who calmly talked me off the edge, much like a hostage negotiator, and helped me make a decision.

Trip to Boston? Still on, although not quite as cheap as I originally thought. Still, I've got a flight, and thanks to Candaon and hayes, a place to crash for 2 nights. At first, I thought this may be God's way of telling me I shouldn't fly; but c'mon. It's a chance to go to Fenway. I'd regret it my whole life if I didn't go.

Finally, JD Drew hit a 3 run home run tonight in a losing effort to the Blue Jays. For most people, this will go down as just another HR. For me? I'll remember it forever.

See, Rakes was sitting on my lap, about to fall asleep, when JD cranked it. The second it left his bat, Rakes looked up at me, eyes wide open, and yelled "Yay Day D Drew! He hit a Home Run, Dad!" For the first time in his 4 years, he wasn't imitating Dad; he was excited all on his own. As we slapped high fives with each other, it hit me. This was Rakes' Welcome to RSN moment. HE got it, and I realized that for all the headbutting he and I are going to have over the next 12 years or so, we're going to be able to find common ground on at least one thing.

Red Sox baseball. I gotta tell you; it's a pretty good feeling. And yeah, I may have teared up. So what? My boy and I had a "Field of Dreams" moment.

So thanks, JD.

Like Tex said earlier, I know who my next shirt purchase is going to be.

Coming soon to a Wanted Poster near you.

Sort of scary what the combination of pizza, apple juice, and vanilla ice cream can do, isn't it? And yeah, my stomach just did a barrel roll too, so it's not just you.

But that's not what the title of this post refers to; against her better judgement, Ang bought Rakes and Trot some guns at Target the other day. These, according to Rakes, are "really tool duns, Dad" because they have bullets with them. Granted, they're foam with black plastic tips on them, but they are technically bullets.

With my two hooligans firing them at will, I feel like the Mom in A Christmas Story because I've spent the past 2 nights yelling "Don't point that at him; you'll shoot his eye out!" After repeated assurances that he won't do it again, Rakes lasts all of 3 seconds before he's sticking it in Trot's face and demanding he put his hands up or else. Trot, to his credit, just laughs maniacally and runs in circles.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't get the gravity of the situation. Don't believe me?

Notice the look of, well, insanity on Rakes' face while Trot just laughs. Poor little fella has no idea what the next 10 years will be like.

With every passing day, it seems like Rakes becomes more deranged. When I came home tonight, he was in my bedroom hollering "COME LOOK AT DIS, DAD!" As I turned to look, he's on my bed doing no handed somersaults like some miniature version of Bart Conners on my bed. Meanwhile, it's 45 degrees and raining, yet he insisted on wearing a tank top and shorts with no socks until I convinced he was shaking because he was cold and not because of "the taffine in my apple juice, Dad."


No game tonight for the Red Sox as they take a much deserved rest. Tomorrow, they start a 3 game series against the Blue Jays in Toronto before heading, finally, back to Boston. I'd be remiss in not mentioning the fact that Youk set the Major League record for consecutive chances by a First Baseman without an error, passing noted wife cheater and Ken Doll lookalike Steve Garvey yesterday.


194 chances and counting without an error for a guy who made his bones as a Third Baseman? Not too shabby. Congrats Youk, on an incredible feat.

For some reason, the quote "I ain't an athlete, lady. I'm a baseball player" just popped into my head.

*Thanks to Kelly 'O for the picture of Youk.*

Winner Takes All

Since I know everyone (OK, 5 people) are wondering who my picks are to make the playoffs and who gets to take home that big trophy at the end of the year, here goes.

AL East: Boston. They've got the schedule from hell to have to play through in April, but if they can come out at the end of the month like Andy Dufresne crawled out of that sewer infested tunnel in Shawshank, they win the division by at least 5 games. Considering they play the Yankees this month, the sewer reference is more than appropriate.

AL Central: Detroit. I don't care that the Royals look like a bunch of All-Stars playing Italy against them right now. Any lineup that includes Sheff, Magglio, Cabrera, Polanco, Pudge, and Rent-a-Wreck should tighten the sphincter of every player in that division.

AL West: Anaheim. Like I said the other day, I'm not drinking the Mariner Kool-Aid. Vlad is the X factor; if he can stay relatively healthy(I don't think the guys been right since Montreal) they win.

Wild Card: Cleveland. They had Boston 3 games to 1, and if not for a polite Texas gentleman named Josh Beckett, they probably go to the World Series last year. And they return with virtually the same club. Sorry Yankee fan; this year you're the 2006 Red Sox. You'll take a few steps back going with the kids.

NL East: Philadelphia. Young, deep, and hungry. Oh yeah, and Ryan Howard.

NL Central: Cubbies. It's been long enough, and they've got the pitching to back up all those bats. Plus I'm about as tired of hearing about Billy goats and Bartman as I was about trading Babe Ruth. ENOUGH already.

NL West: Dodgers. And no, not because St. Joe is there; best Dodger team since Gibby limped his way around the bases after making The Eck look silly.

Wild Card: Colorado. They can Flat. Out. Mash. Plus the fact any team who can rattle off 21 straight wins is the real deal.

AL Playoffs:

Boston beats Anaheim. Again.

Detroit over Cleveland.

Boston over Detroit.

NL Playoffs:

Dodgers beat Philadelphia.

Cubbies over Colorado.

Cubbies over the Dodgers.

World Series:

C'mon. The blog is called the Red Sox Dad.

Red Sox in 6.

Remember, I WILLINGLY agreed to 3 children who've turned my brain to oatmeal, so this is all just the muttering of a deranged lunatic. Please don't get the stat book out and try and prove me wrong. I'm ADMITTING I'll be wrong, more than likely.

Except the Sox WILL go back to back: I'm not letting go of that one.

NL Predictions

Since I made my completely unresearched picks for the AL yesterday, I figured I'd go ahead and get the NL out of the way tonight. So, here comes the big pile of randomness based on nothing more than my gut feelings.

NL East:

1. Philadelphia. Ryan Howard is a beast, and throw in Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley, they are gonna be tough to beat. They've got emerging ace Cole Hamels, wife beater Brett Myers, and 64 year old Jamie Moyer in the starting rotation, and that'll be enough. Also always entertaining are the hooligans in the stands screaming profanities at everyone from the starting pitcher to The Easter Bunny. Gotta love Philly.

2. Mets. Johan Santana is one of the best in the game; Pedro is your #2, and while I love the guy, he's not a #2 anymore. Delgado is showing his age, Beltran is soft, and David Wright can't hit 9 times in a row. Plus, the mental baggage left over from gacking up a 7 game lead with 17 left to last year? That doesn't go away over night.

3. Braves. They've got John Smoltz, Tommy Glavine, and Mike Hampton. Sorry fellas, but it's not 1995 anymore. Offensively, Chipper is still an elite player but he's breaking down, Francoeur is a star, and along with Brian McCann they've got a good core of guys to build around. They just don't have the horses to keep up. On the plus side, manager Bobby Cox gets tossed from games more often than they do the Tomahawk Chop, so at least it's must see tv.

4. Nationals. New park, same results. They'll be hard pressed to win 70 games. However, they do have Elijah Dukes and Dimitri Young on the same team, so the possibilites of mayhem are endless.

5. Marlins. Slappy makes more per season than their ENTIRE team. 'Nuff said.

NL Central:

1. Cubbies. This is the year that hockey is played on the river Styxx; Cubs go to the World Series. (more on that tomorrow, hopefully.) If they don't run away with this division by June I'll be shocked. Plus you've always got the chance that Carlos Zambrano goes bonkers and starts a fight with the entire Cardinal bench, which is always entertaining.

2. Brewers. IF they can get decent pitching, IF Prince Fielder can hit bombs on a nightly basis, and IF Corey Hart, Ryan Braun, Bill Hall, and Richie Weeks play up to their abilities? They can make it exciting. It's a long shot, though. But I like watching them play.

3. Reds. Every spring they look better, and by May 15th Junior Griffey's pulled a hammy and the pitchers resemble Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughan. And not the good Wild Thing, either.

4. Astros. Roy Oswalt and pray for rain. Considering they play in a dome, not a good sign. Though Carlos Lee and Lance Berkman are always fun to watch. Also they've got Tal's Hill out in CF, which always make me look for that "and he tears his knee to shreds on the hill" highlight.

5. Pirates. Good young talent, decent pitching, and I honestly think the Cardinals will be that bad. FANTASTIC park, though. Maybe one day...

6. Cardinals. Pujols needs elbow surgery. After him, they might beat a college team. Maybe. This may be the year we see LaRussa flat out lose his mind and run out to argue with the umpire in just a pair of sliding shorts while wielding a metric ruler. Which would re-define the word awesome.

NL West:

1. Dodgers. In what may be the most competitive division, the Dodgers have good pitching, really good young players like Russel Martin and Matt Kemp, and a nice mix of veterans led by perennially grumpy Jeff Kent. Plus they've got one of those sections where you buy a ticket and get all the food and drink you can consume for one low price. Cardiac specialists in SoCal are celebrating this development as I type.

2. Rockies. As we all saw last fall, they can rake all day long. Holliday, Atkins, Hawpe, Helton, etc.. are as good as anybody. Pitching? Not so much. Getting to play in that launching pad 81 games is huge for them, but they'll win a lot of 10-9 games. I AM picking them for the NL Wild Card though.

3. Diamondbacks. Great pitching led by Webb and Haren, but they were outscored last year by a pretty large margin. When Eric Byrnes is your centerpiece player? You've got issues.

4. Padres. Peavy, Young, and Maddux are outstanding, but the offense is going to struggle. I could go either way here. Petco Park is home to some of the best ball park food though, from what I hear. That's a plus, right?

5. Giants. Bonds is gone, so at least they'll be smiling.

So, there you go. Mind you, these are only guesses, and I've pulled the whole thing out of my rear end, so we'll see in October how close I get.

Tomorrow, I'll give my playoff and World Series picks.

However, I reserve the right to change my mind if any of my future stand up comedians give me better material.

Let's face it; it won't take much.