Friday, March 6, 2009

Almost Banned From Wendy's

In the middle of another exciting day trying to convince someone to buy something they don't really need, Ang, Heckle and Jeckle stopped by my job today to take me out to lunch.

After a nerve shattering trip across the busy parking lot and ordering our lunch while Trot climbed OVER the barricade in line while Rakes went UNDER it(Ang was getting catchup and napkins while I was hyperventilating thinking about the horde of germs they were putting on their hands) we picked our table out and sat down.

I'd like to now apologize to the nice little old lady who was trying to eat her lunch and read her romance novel one table over; when Trot came your way it wasn't his intent to startle you. He just wanted to say hello.

I somehow managed to eat all my food while at the same time trying to help Rakes find all the items in the "I Spy" puzzles on the side of the bag while telling Trot to get in his seat approximately 1,368 times. And I'm not even counting Ang's contribution to this situation.

After 20 minutes or so Rakes had to go to the bathroom so he and I left Ang in a cold sweat and Trot merrily eating his fries and talking at the top of his lungs about Mickey, Minnie, and "Doofy".

Rakes did his business, informed me that he didn't need to wash his hands because "I didn't touch anything besides my willy, Dad" and we headed back to the table.

We passed Ang and Trot heading TOWARD the bathroom with Trot hollering "I pooped, Dad" and Ang looking like she was ready for the nice people in the white uniforms to come and take her away.

15 minutes later we were headed back toward my store with Rakes full from his frosty, Ang somehow being as cool as the other side of the pillow, Trot going commando and me realizing how the guy who runs the drunk tank at the local police station feels at the end of his shift on Saturday night.

I have no idea how she does this everyday without an IV drip of Vodka.


Tex said...

it's Gin...cos gin doesn't have an odor.

Ted D said...

THAT is how she does it, huh?

And she told me it was just patience....

HorshamScouse said...

That'd be vodka, Tex. Gin smells like lavender water.

HorshamScouse said...

And if you stop feeding him, stuff'll stop coming out the other end.

Ted D said...

John, good point.

But if I don't feed them they get violent.

It's a quandary I tell you.

Rich in the garage said...

Ted, you and my dad should have a loooooooong chat.

I should let you know there is hope in the future though, Im considerably calmer ever since I burned the town kite field to a crisp in 6th grade.

I like to think the fire was a cleansing of sorts but I'm pretty sure satan said "to heaven with this guy he's nuts" and moved on.

(satan saying to hell withe me seemed counterproductive to his idea of abandoning me...this he'd wish on my a trip to heaven)

Ted D said...

Rich, I'm actually sort of nervous about meeting you in May. I think I may get a look at the future in about 20 years and totally lose it.

Rich in the garage said...

Ill remember to take my pills.

Its cool

Ted D said...


Rich in the garage said...

Just imagine how harrowing it would be if you took Rakes (at a legal age) to the cask and mixed in alcohol and baseball.

D I S A S T E R.

Beth said...

The title totally cracked me up!!

Ted D said...

Rich, it's harrowing to think about NOW.

Beth, it's not so funny when you're living it. ;)

Rich in the garage said...

Eh, Im not really that crazy...just have a vivid imagination.

Ted D said...

It's OK, buddy. We're still adopting you; we'll just tell everyone you're the crazy one.