Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Predictions for 2009 based on No statistical evidence

My ill informed, totally based on what my gut tells me picks for how every team will end up are coming this weekend, so be ready to be wowed. Remember, I was the guy who had the Tigers running away with the AL Central last year so don't take the mortgage payment to Vegas based on what idiocy comes out of my mouth.

Tonight, I'm looking at my magic 8 ball and giving my ill informed, totally pulled out of my rear end picks for individual players this coming season.

AL MVP: Youk. As much as I love The Munchkin, Youk really should have won this thing last year. Without him in the 4 hole after we jettisoned Manny, there is no way the Sox get to game 7 of the ALCS.

NL MVP: Manny. Even though his grandmother will die twice in the month of June, his hamstring will cause him to miss every start made by Randy Johnson and Jake Peavy, and he'll forget he has a game at least twice he'll STILL hit 40 bombs, drive in 135, and hit .325.

AL Cy Young: Beckett. Can you even begin to fathom how utterly pissed off he is about how last year unfolded? I've got $20 that says he hits a mascot in the head in his second start.

NL Cy Young: Cole Hamels. Only because I've got him on my fantasy team and I really want to beat Tom Miles this year.

AL Comeback Player of the Year: Kevin Millar. Even though he had a good year in Baltimore last season, I hope my man hits 30HR, 100 RBI, and .300, only not against Boston. The Canadian media has no idea what it's in for.

NL Comeback Player of the Year: Eric Hinske. I'll always love the big guy for treating Posada like a tackling dummy a few years back.

In addition to random predictions, I've got a few things on my wish list for the 2009 season of MLB:

Dustin Pedroia charges the mound after Joba Chamberlain drills him in the ribs, chokes him out, then does the John Cena "You can't see me" gesture afterwards.

Joe Buck asks Beckett how he feels and 60 obscenity laced seconds later the FCC is in full blown panic mode and McCarver is quietly sobbing in the corner.

Joe Morgan FINALLY say's something idiotic enough that it sends John Miller over the edge and they cut away to commercial with Miller beating Joe about the head with the microphone.

Ken Harrelson loses his voice. Permanantly.

Griffey Jr. hits 40 HR's and retires a hero in Seattle.

Slappy comes back, hits a single, and can't run to first base.

Josh Hamilton has another year like he had last year.

Barry Zito remembers he's one of the best pitchers of the past decade.

CC Sabbathia goes on the DL with the cause being "Injured spleen at the all you can eat buffet."

Finally? Hank fires Joe Girardi on April 10th with the Yankees in last place with a 2-2 record and replaces him with Yogi Berra citing "The need to return to Yankee Pride" as the reason.

5 more days.


HorshamScouse said...

With you on both MVPs and AL Cy Young.
Watching a controlled-angry Beckett pitch is going to be serious fun.

Don't care enough about NL Cy Young or NL pitchers generally.

I'd love to see Millar's numbers in the Skydome over the years.

Just figured out that the home opener starts for me at 7 a.m. Tuesday morning. Might just be late for work.

Rich in the garage said...

AL Comeback Player of the Year: Kevin Millar. Even though he had a good year in Baltimore last season, I hope my man hits 30HR, 100 RBI, and .300, only not against Boston. The Canadian media has no idea what it's in for.///

Yeah, they're totally going to invade us, hold Obama hostage and demand he be taken back to the states and locked away where no one has to hear from him ever again. Like a man in the mask deal.

If Yogi is the coach Im watching every and all post game, pregame and mid game interviews.

Zito got money and now spends his time higher then Jim Morrison. That guy must spend time between starts munching on payote in the desert.

Plus well get to blow up Canadia since that would offend our national pride and what not.

My vote is Lester for AL Cy Young.

Ted D said...

Scouser, sounds like a sick day is in the offing. Go for it, my man.

Rich, how awesome would it be if Yogi was manager? And I'm all for blowing up Canada; we need an easy one after the last 6 years. ;)